End of Love

 End of love.

Seems like now

But what is Love?

Who can tell me?

Surely you would know 

My love lies somewhere in your eyes of cerulean blue

While yours is the shadow time when hypnotic kisses declare love and make promises that dissolve with approaching dawn.

None existent 

Thousands and one night 

Love and passion rose

When you where still there for me to behold...

It didn't take me the breath of all my life but I assure you, it took me every Fibre of my being to fall back into love and love with you 

In this frigid state.

I reminisce when this was simple

When thoughts of you where utter bliss

When you where the priest of my noetic eyes and I was the priestess of your unpoetic pain,

We where a miracle.

Unapproved. 

But now you're somewhere behind me

You have my heart

And my soul bleeds black 

To rise to where spirits flow and my current weapon is endurance as I slowly fall into death

A death of my heart and it's heart........

To be found by You.

 What would the stars with all their pride be worth,

Where there is no night to call their shine forth?

And what would my heart feel if there was no you to bring all this bewilderment?

Since you walked into my life, I have been dreaming of sunshine in the midst of the rain. 

My tongue is full of uncertain words while inside my mind, I moan with love. 

If I had never met you, this piece wouldn't have been born and I wouldn't feel the thrill of risking all that I was holding back to fully give into love. 

I wouldn't feel this alive.

If I had never opened myself up to you, 

I wouldn't have felt the sparks, the joy and the delight of letting myself go.

I wouldn't know the pleasure of ecstasy's warm gifts and memories to treasure. 

But just as life begins to clear

I gasp aloud at the realization that, whatever that was might not be as you say I mean to you....

So I throw myself back into this ocean deep and blue.

Hoping to be found by you.

A beautiful being

 Lust and your eyes

Trust and your arms

Satisfying my desires

Comfort, joy, fun, connections and passion we shared so magically.

Expectedly happening again would be that radio silence but I am hoping that this could be more than some flings.

The perfect brilliance and feelings, still familiar, so threatening, the hum of anxious breaths and tongues and whispers consumes me as I teach my body and mind the absence of your presence. 

The thoughts of nothing more literally pulls me to the floor. The nights without you in my bed bring back memories of the nights with you in my bed and that comes back and clearly we had it all. All the fun, all the love, all the passion, all of the fire, all of the time and the best part of all of it Is you.

Now all that is there to hold is beautiful memories and  hope that somehow, someday and somewhere this could be alive again and my skin would finally feel the warmth of your embrace once more.

Loving Me (Letters to self)

Loving me is like kisses from moonlight and caresses from the stars

Thinking about me is like dancing from Jupiter to Mars

Being me is like dancing in the rain, such a delight

This love for me is a revolution and every inch of me is matching for it

The universe wove me from a constellation and each star represents a part of my life, beautiful, strong and bright.

I have forgiven myself, I let it all go, I choose me, 

and I will continue to love myself in a way that no one else ever will because

Loving me has been the simplest, quietest and yet most powerful revolution ever!

Love always,

Lisa.

SOMETIMES (Thoughts of complexity)

SOMETIMES.....

Life gets crazy but what's even crazier is that when it does

The empty space suddenly feels complete....

Sometimes I feel so empty but this emptiness fulfils me in ways I can hardly describe...

In the midst of the storm is a tiny little home built of rocks and hope and it screams a loud hello so I push through to shelter in...

Sometimes, hope says goodbye and the world almost turns around but the sun, she won't stop at nothing to shine it's light.... so then it gets hold of a piece of my heart that hope tried to let go and I carry on and am gone

Sometimes, my heart breaks, it breaks in tiny pieces at so many things my eyes see and the thoughts my mind processes...… I hurt for people, from people and from life but see this same life speaks volumes of strength in every breath I take and am reminded by her that every next breath is an opportunity to change, to feel, to see,  and to choose differently

Sometimes nothing makes sense and am left to wander but also the darkened rain falls in motions of life and love and thunder …I pick up and try again after

In such moments I remember that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and life should take it's turns no matter how hard it can be because the end is meant to be beautiful.

Sometimes, I want to love with every fiber of my being but heartbreak reminds me that there was a time this heart almost couldn't heal but what does my heart know? I will love and love and love until love dies or I...

Sometimes, I wonder why and what am living for, at this age that the world expects so much but am constantly reminded by the child in me that this life is meant to be lived by me and I am alive and free!

Sometimes, the crazy, the wild, the ugly, the bad, the worst, the pain, and the loss is exactly what you need to feel alive again! Sometimes the very worst births the very best so embrace every inch of it, as it comes. 

Sometimes, the healing is in the pain. Don't ask why. 

Sometimes,
Life is waiting for you to give it a try.