Excuse me.

A tear stained face
As my heart badly aches
Thinking about  this ain't worth it...
Allow me to be the bigger person and give you space.....
*Please excuse me as I walk away*

I am through with trying
Am over with hoping and wishing
And am so tired of dreaming
That some day you could actually handle your emotions  and consider mine...

I watch you as I watch the stars.
From so far away but it's quite a view... I think so much of how I coul have loved you but only if you knew....

My arms know there's no need to reach for you as my body has finally learnt not to yearn for you.
For the more I needed is the less you gave,  I guess you thought that it worked that way..

I cling to old memories and hope for a better beginning....
Been trying to let go for a long time but I guess this time I am winning! 

So *please excuse me as I walk away* and settle for what I deserve.

Out in my mind

Cold.....
Frozen, frozen.....
Numb...
To dance was hard for these swift and careless feet of mine...
In that very moment, I knew not that I was stronger than dread..

The sight of the effortlessly beautiful full moon that night reminded me of what beauty lies ahead of life....

Then came open claws tearing at me....
Sentiments of grandeur, gratification, graceful hope and the unexpected, deplore....

The last time i was here he made me cry...
The last time i was here, he tore me apart...
The last time he had brown eyes like a bolt of thunder..
And his deathly smile outlined by crimson lips..
You don't want to meet him..
Powerless to resist..
REGRET.

You know words don't come so easy but there are things I must say, things of refrain....

I have come to realize that in life, the only thing worth feeling regret for is not living each day to the fullest and not giving yourself the love that you try to give someone else......
The moment they will leave you, you could lose yourself and wallow in REGRET.
Refrain from trying so hard and forgetting to be yourself....

Underneath the brave moon I have learnt to savour to the fullest the unnoticeable daily joys...
The sound of the clock ticking, another opportunity to do something extra ordinary!

The bright rays of sunshine through the window glass, hope for a better day..
The slow smooth rains after midnight, a feel of complete serenity.....
The sound of moving trains and great music to the ear,
The smell of rain on a cloudy day and the sound of crickets in the dead of night....
A reminder that am never really alone....

No matter how much you wish you could have done something differently, you can never change your past. Its gone, let it go and let you grow into a better person than you were....

The most of fears

Living alone.
Dying alone..
The scent of your cologne...
Feeling alone
And the voices in my head won't just stop....
Being dumb
Feeling numb when there's so much to overcome.......
Am afraid of so many things....

Afraid of what I know..
The truth
Words
The thought of hades
Striving for perfection...
Voices playing at the back of my head,
Negative thoughts.
Anxiety.
Feelings that there is nothing I can do to take it away..
Absolute fear of expression.
Depression.

My mind
A place where bad things bloom, one minute i have the power in the room, the next am
Full of self doubt
Sabotage.

I love yous
The distance
The feeling
To speak out
To lean in......
To hold on..
To show it...
Am afraid I cant stop wearing all the versions of my broken heart...

Am afraid
To try out
To be me
Limits
Should I cry now?
What if they find out?
Am afraid of fear...
Relentless fear...
so many things but most of all,

Am afraid this same fear began to drive me to..
So much faith
Determination
Hope
I couldn't help falling into Grace
Remembrance
That it was overcome....
Reason that I can become....


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