The one whose heart is pure

In the dead roo of night

When my mind is dreaded underneath the dark windy skies and petals fall off this rose of mine.....

The one whose heart is pure looks beyond what mosten do...

Like a sentry, He keeps watch over me, every instant of time and shows me His love is true...

When society tells me that I need some bucks rolling to be cool, 

He reminds me of His precious word over my life that is true.....

His grace is a tempest of love, so beautiful and wild...

When trouble befalls me and overshadows my light, 

He lights up the way and whispers in my ear, 

I am with you.

The one whose heart is pure fights all my battles and resques me...

When men replace me, 

He holds my hand and reminds me of how ai am worth dying for...

The one whose heart is pure whispers and says 'I am with you and I will never leave you....

When am stuck with guilt, pain, shame, regrets and condemnation,

His word reminds me that He paid it all on the cross when He gave His life for me..

And I am free....

Despite my faults, He still calls me His own ..

His banner over me is love, steadfast and ever flowing..

He is my first, and only true love..

The one whose heart is pure will never leave me nor forsake me,

He provides all of my needs according to His riches in Glory! 

And i can do all things through Him...

My years are his and my life is absolutely meaningless without Him.

*Jesus*

Cryptic Existence

Reflecting on myself feels utterly alien....
Ardent compulsion to being a better me....
Infinity and invisibility
Is my existence,  my own illusion......
Am I completely there?

Once I was lost in the infertile existence of my soul....
To drill a hope in the inundated soul was profoundly difficult as gale had blown away the talisman.....
But as the saying goes,  after every storm the sun will smile,  sol married with the skies and beauty with purpose was reborn......

Now free from the chains of social acceptance and prison society has created for everyone struggling for recognition...
Trading  life for existence,  love for money,  freedom for safety,  or didnity for acceptance.
I won't put my life on the line......

Everyting exists for a reason,  and behind that there is a meaning....
Without birth and death,  life would be stagnant,
Without freedom there would be no safety, 
Without the clouds in the skies,  rains wouldn't fall,
Without rythym and sound,  what is music?
Without struggles, trials and failures,  success would be absolutely meaningless.....

Now imagine a day with complete absence of sol,  absolute gloom......

If I could imagine life without God,  I would not be in existence.

Forever

Since you have been gone,  the sun,  the flowers,  the trees,  the winds, and the sounds of birds and crickets,  everything beautiful reminds me of you.....

I have learnt to live  for each day and moment and take it as a blessing knowing that it may not always be this way.....

Since your demise, 
All i have known is pain,  but i have also learnt to give and feel the beauty of love because someday,  i may never be able to to feel and give again...

I have learnt to trust God with every inch of my fibre and live life in His beautiful ways because now i know that this life is not mine ....

Your demise has taught me so many things but not how to live without you besty...

My love for black has grown  fonder because it symbolizes how painful and dark my world seems without you, 
Now you are gone forever............

Music is the only thing that speaks to me and keeps me friendly company,  i have no one to share with the things i shared with you now that you are gone forever.....

Ennui my new damned friend,  for no one can ever replace you or fill up the space you left in my life , 
Now that you are gone forever....

Blissdom don't seem like blissdom anymore,  for what is happiness without you?

I miss your smile,  i miss your face,  i miss your laughter,  i miss your beautiful voice,  i miss your wonderful personality ,  how you teased me but most of all,  i miss you,  being here with me,  and i so miss how you loved me.

I miss you Justina
And i will love you always and
Forever.......

Notes from the inside iv

Welcome to my dusky day!
Where your silence is the loudest
Unending thoughts of you, my everyday abyss of torture.....
Where black is happy
And the rest of the day time nothing but total ennui....

I have loved many men and women but I have not loved anyone like you....
Wherever you are,  am sorry I cut the chambers of my heart wide open for you
With everything I am, took off this crown of pride on my head and smeared my poems and emotions all over the walls....

With nothing but absolute intentions
I wanted nothing much more than just to be like the wind in your skin and your fight when you lose your spark.. ✨
If only I could be the choice you'll ever want .......

Oh how I loved you beyond the beautiful blue skies and darkest of nights....
But all that am left with is nothing but an option to dive out of this perfectly wished for romance.....
My hands down,  leaving behind everything I wished for upon the moonlit nights.....

Like never before

It's hard,  it hurts,  it's not easy and it's profoundly scary but at any rate,
all I want to do is love you.
I want to be lost with you into a place where there's just us two.

Through the darkness and pain,
all your joys and achievements,
I want to stand besides you.
You have taught me how to love and feel again..

I want you to see every side of me, get into the parts I haven't opened to anyone else before and see everything that's hidden inside just as much as I want you to show me every creepy, weird,  dark,  wild and scary thought you've ever had...

I want to know everything you're afraid of telling anyone else,
every secret and unguided thought,
and everything you're ashamed of just as much as I want you to get inside my head and learn things about me that you've never heard before...

I want you to show me the very illest side of you before you can give me your best. But most of all,  I want to let you know that,
I don't care about any of your past, it doesn't matter to me..

All I really want to do is fight to love you like I have never loved before.

You should know that...

You are all that matters now...
For I see no one but you.
When my heart became a hard frozen tomb, you came and kissed in emotions of life anew..

Your eyes,  cold as ice
They dagger to my soul love, passion and lust...
Emotional satisfaction in its entirety.
Your angel wings cover up my ugly horns
And yes that is true..

In the darkest of nights and the days of weeks,  these eyes burn hungry,  for your saccharine smile,
My palms itch mercilessly for a feel of your skin.....
And my lips crave with desire for your graceful kiss divine.

I wish upon the silvery river and blood moon that we remain soul mates forever!
And as I am wrapped in my woe,
I want you to know that
I LOVE YOU.

Waiting

Waiting on the rains of memories to fade
Waiting on the storm of heartbreak to end in haste...
Waiting on the nights of loneliness to fall and the dawn of new beginnings to come by.....

Am waiting for the day when the world will utterly be ours...
I am waiting to love you with no limits,
To risk it all with you....

Am waiting for that  night of only you and I, star gazing,  hearts racing,  hands holding, and lip locking the two of us ❤

Waiting here to be wanted..
Waiting here to be heard
Waiting here to be noticed...
Because am in love with a man that can never really be mine.....
But I will still be here waiting to be loved by you.

Dear woman

You are the true meaning of beauty.....
Elegance personified,
Your skin tone and texture are perfect,
 regardless of race or nationality
You glow with grace....
A shade so classy,  unrefined. 👌

Your flair is out of this world,  you're an epitome of beauty..
God's masterpiece! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise...
Your hair is exactly how it should be,
Your body size is what makes you beautiful and your flaws so not define you.

You are in a class of your own....
Algebra and calculus got nothing on you!
Everything about you is well figured out,
Your gait so faultless,  Victoria's secret models got nothing on you!
You're a Queen 👑,  ideal.. 👌
Get up,  dress up and be you! Show the world what you're made of that's what you were born to do.
Written all over you is worthiness so don't let these lads fool you!

Your personality cannot be matched.....
It blossoms!
Your spirit is so lovable, a heart and love of a mother and a spirit of a warrior,  you have the power to change the world!
Rooted in culture and built with walls of brass.
You're a light of the world and the city on a hill!
Your view is sheen at every angle.

Don't let them tell you any different!
You can be anything but not beautiful!

For all I know

Blood flows wild and slow...
Heart beats hard and fast....
Wind blows in every direction...
Night falls..
Dusk goes and paves way for dawn!
Love ends and passions die
But for all I know,
You're all I want....

Someone in this world is crazily thinking about you
Thinking about your smile and the sparkle in your eyes ...
How your lips move throughout every word you speak....
The calmness in your voice and warmth in your arms
 For all I know
I am thinking about the little time we spent together and how you turn out to be exactly everything I wish I had........

You're not mine
And maybe never will be....
When you finally leave me,  I will have to put up with heartache
I will write poems about you,
I will read back our conversations
I will take the train of memories alone and probably die inside again
But for all I know...

Am crazy about you and am ready to risk it all.....

Silence

Silence........
Before the storm, and when it's gone...
Intense silence.......
They say it speaks louder than words but no one really cares to listen....

Tear stained faces, silent cries......
The silence of abused beings.....
The silence of the weak and poor,
The silence of the defeated and the have-nots,
the silence of innocent people who have gone behind bars for absolutely nothing...
Do you hear it?????

Words have been spoken with so much emptiness and lies...
Promises of great somethings
Turned into nothingness....

All there is left out here is profound quietness.....
Words never to be spoken

I have heard the silence  of a great hatred amongst nations and races...
The silence of intimate love
The silence of wearied friendship...
The silence of broken hearts and tormented souls..
The silence of spiritual crisis and failure...

Still waters run deep and so is the silence that comes with night.....
Screams of silence behind closed doors from voices that cannot be heard......
Silence..................
A truth that should be forbidden to be a mystery ...

Beyond you...

You are afraid of your dark side
The pain and seemingly rough road...
I know you try so hard to hide it
But baby everything I fell in love with is on the inside....

When you feel so alone and lost in the darkest of nights..
I want to be there with you and share the light from my broken halo.
Whatever you don't have, I want to have it with you when
everything will be alright.

On the darkest side of you is a beautiful sky with stars shining through.
Those tears in your eyes create a uniquely wonderful view
I can see right inside of you....
Beneath you're beautiful

Hold on a little longer, I know it's hard and scary
But with God on our side, everything will fall into place.

Taken from me. Rest in peace best friend Justina Musenga.

Close your eyes and sleep belle
You have answered the call of the one who takes care of us all....
You're a soul set free.....
God is here to take you home, I just can't believe you've gone first and I will walk this road alone..

No words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before I knew it and
Only God knows why...

We shared so many secrets
And we had in common so many interests..
Your future bee was without a doubt beautifully bright...
You were the most wonderful and strongest young woman I knew,
Your faith in God was remarkable and it's one of the many things I loved about you.
Your demise still remains unbelievable.

We knew so much happiness regardless of the pain.....
We had our piece of cake and memory is one gift from God that death cannot destroy.

Besty your death is a great heart break
But I know where you are,  you don't want us to be sad but let you go for you are just away with a cherry smile that is perfectly  exposing your dimple.
You have wandered into an unknown land of freedom...

You are a part of me,  and I am a part of you bee....
You're that beautiful star that will shine on my nights so bright,
The wind that will blow in every direction,
The flower in every garden, the sun that will shine through my days and you're the rain that will fall at the beginning and end of the rest of my years..

We used to miss each other
But now I can't believe I will miss you forever! My heart has been broken because you can never be replaced, your beautiful face *Justina*, your kind heart,  your believing soul and your great company will greatly be missed.

I love you in your demise just as I did in your life. ❤
Until we meet again, my best friend and sister you will forever be. I love you.

Rest in peace angel *Alaa*

Another star added to the skies
For God only takes the best.....
A loving soul departed but there's one thing I should have said...
God called your name *Alaa* then
You closed your eyes and held His hand....

We were supposed to hang out,
You wanted to see how Ezra has grown
And you were wanting to see the best for me
But you had to go....

You are my angel now
For in moments when I feel lonely and sad,
I can hear a voice in my ears saying smile Lisa...
Remember the times we shared together,
Remember the music,  the laughter,  the teasing and all the beautiful moments and don't worry my friend,
Am up here missing you all but my soul is with you and am forever going to be watching you from above!....

Your death struck like lightening...
And all am left with is your sweater, memories of the moments we shared together and scars from your demise....
Only silent whispers are left as I reminisce....

The world's a little quieter now
Our bodies have lost their strength to the thought that you'll fly forever and
Our hearts are missing you dearly.

Continue to rest in peace Alaa.

She

She is  Vincible when she's in love with you,   gives you her body, soul and all,
and when you're done with her,
you throw her right in the trash cane and label her as 'just the same'
Yet she is fuckin invincible as she walks out to find her way through the hurt and pain you put her through...

She is shy and afraid that the world will laugh at her after all the things you've said,
yet fuckin brave enough she gets up and moves like a wave! She is Unstoppable!

She's sad that she lost the one thing that mattered most to her, her better half, her bundle of joy alas turned into a blessing in disguise......
But fuckin happy that she is finally free and able to breath,  she can finally feel and give herself the attention she wasted on you! Free to be herself...

She's broken,  her life is taking a drastic change and all she has left is drapetomania....
Yet she's whole,  the broken pieces she uses to create something even more beautiful,  the scars are her fuckin muse.....

Her tears and scars make her ugly yet she's fuckin beautiful! Her pain darkened her soul yet she's pure enough to forgive and let you go!...

Touch me where it burns *2*

Hearts racing wild and slow..
Thoughts revolving around my head
Your presence is simply crushing down these walls of steel.....
From across the room I can hear your blood boiling like a hot spring...
And I can tell your body language is bonafide

The sight of you my darling starts up an itch of unspeakable desires under my skin..
Amatory desires flowing rapidly in this passionate stream....

In your eyes is a hunger in which we both need to feed....
A hunger for love
A hunger for a touch of our bodies
A hunger for satisfaction of our equal desires.......

Your touch always comes as something I have never felt and your lips hold in them the sacred kiss that opens the doors to our consecrated chambers...

My body trembles and weakens from the strokes of your fingers on my skin....
Just so you may know, the only thing between me and death my darling is your affection and undivided attention
For I come alive when you show me wonders divine.......

So if it pleases us both
Enslave me in your arms
For our own hot-blooded desires.......

Excessively enough

I must admit it took me quite some time and maybe too long to see and realise how much the world is wrong!
But now that I do,  I am never going to let anyone,  anything or any situation pull me away from the fact that I am *ENOUGH* and strong!

I am overly conceited,  The color of my skin is a perfect match for that of my brown eyes and my curly afro hair. I am black and beautiful in every single way!

My smile is exactly how its supposed to be,  the size of my feet carries my body in the most beautiful way,  everything on my body is exactly how its supposed to be.

I am an open book,  too emotional, artistic, triple competition for my fears,  sarcastic and unbothered about anything that doesn't move me, mysterious and continuously looking for answers...

I am a thinker, I love hard,  fall in too deep,  patiently impatient,  unashamed and not afraid of the truth.  Failed so many times but got back up again.

I am full of glitter but not make-believe to the fact that I sometimes  glimmer,  I am restless and calm,  forgiving and tolerant. I am a woman,  my heart is not hurt proof, been broken before and am not afraid.

I am going straight in, and leaving with a bang! Without a doubt,  I am overwhelming and protecting,  sarcastic and caring, leaving no chance for failure.

I admit that I sometimes maybe most times self meditate with  pain and tears, with pervading my life with solitude and aloneness. I get selfish with the love I have for myself...

I am a lover of darkness,
It brings out the sparkle from the stars up in the skies and a feeling of calmness. A mean cup of tea,  someone staying up late with me to talk about real life situations,  music and laughter.

I am young,  wild and searching, broken and imperfect but completely beautiful and aware that...
I have been through it all and I am

EXCESSIVELY ENOUGH.

Before it runs out!

The break of dawn teaches me how to breath in fresh air of a new day in love and how to see the beauty that comes with every single person and thing am blessed with regardless of their flaws.....

As I walk into the day,
the sun burns down every inch of negativity in its diversity and brings out the glow of a right attitude towards myself and the world around me..

As I look onto this path,  Mother Nature and it's beauty in entirety, urges me to see the best in others, for just as every flower is beautiful in its own way,  so is everyone,
and most of all it teaches me that the beauty of life itself lies in serenity that comes with self reception.

The music in my ears teaches me how to treasure every moment and dance away all the worries, regrets,  sorrows and pain that life could have possibly thrown at me and it reminds me that simple words can give life to a beat and the right rhythm can move you to a better place.

The wind and it's breeze as it blows in my way reminds me that not everything is worth giving my attention to, like the opinions of others...
And it teaches me that life is beautiful when you pay no attention to where the bad vibes are coming from... So just enjoy the piece of cake...

And finally,
Twilight and it's obscurity remind me that everything comes to an end in life,  but before it, comes the day with beautiful opportunities to love and live. Even breath runs out at some point so why waste right now with worries, regrets, hatred and self pity?

*So every beat of my heart is a constant reminder that BEFORE IT RUNS OUT, I should*
*LOVE NOW,  FORGIVE NOW, LAUGH NOW,  EXPLORE NOW,  DANCE NOW,  BE HAPPY NOW AND LIVE NOW*

In Solitude

When my inner self proved to be the worst enemy in the Grove... 

I fell deeply in love with solitude

And found profound solace in silence....... 

The world goes by as I weep,  

In my sadness I lose them all.. 

My woe never needed and left unattended 

but the full measure of my pleasure they seek.... 

My company they need.... 

Nature is my refuge as it taught me that I am my own man

and I stand alone in my own ground...... 

So serene and indifferent... 

I fell in love with the quiet symphony of its beauty...... 

In solitude am struck with happiness for I laugh alone  

and try to find a peace of mind as I preserve my soul from man's broken words and empty promises for something I deserve....

Serenity.. 

I find solace in darkness  as I dance with the rags of dread. 

In solitude, the silence of great love have I known,... 

And I yearn deeply to appreciate it. 

The silence that solitude brings is like belle...... 

Deep stillness pure of any sound, 

The presence of great nothingness,  

The sound of rest,  expression of satisfaction  and,... 

The mystery never to be solved....

Oh how solitude pushes me to the slopes, 

Tightens the ropes and feels me up with hopes.... 

It never felt right but it feels good.