But Life Carries On

Rife

is exactly how I would describe my endless attempt to fill this longing

But now that you're gone, music is more than just sound and the stars represent the beauty of life in highest magnitude

Life's beauty will continue to flourish all around and I will carry on with my heart gracefully.

The sun will slowly rise and the moon will follow too

 Now that you're gone, time won't stop and worry won't be my song

This heart will grow an inch bigger in love and wisdom and lessons have been learnt.

I remember when I believed everything you said and moved by everything you did

When my heart and body yearned for nothing else but you

But now that you're gone, my heart will open into blossoms and my petals will glow

Life will be amazing and I will accomplish so much 

My dreams will become reality and my love will find it's rightful place.

Now that you're gone

I realize that all along I deserved way better and my head will rest

My life will go on, my smile will sparkle, my dreams will be lived, and I will thrive!

The seams you have left, I will carry as beauty marks

Now that you're gone, my heart will rest and I will carry on.

Heart break, an Anniversary

 This is me taking flowers

Taking flowers again to the cemetery of my heart

This is me crying

This is me hurting again because its our anniversary

My body, soul, heart and mind hurt from heartbreak once again

This is me writing 

Trying to let out the pain

Trying to convince myself but it's all strange

There's no one to blame and nothing to gain

The way things end is quite a shame.

This is me telling my heart to walk out the door

For love just left this room.

This is me wishing I heard goodbye

From the love that I held dearly to this heart

The love I kept in the deepest places of my heart and the most important parts of my life.

The love I was given in the dark.

This is me cold.

This is me getting gone.

This is me Laying my tombstone. 

Wanting You

Cognizantly aware of the shadowy place that I have entered

blurred by the colors of what I think and feel and what should I do?

In this place is wanting, wanting and wanting, the room is filled with emotions of lusting, lusting and lusting 

and on the walls are shadow smiles full of wishes, wishes and wishes

of you

Before I got here, somewhere behind the chitty chats and happy hellos

Our need was evident. Simply wanting.

For me, its been wanting your sin

wanting your pain,

wanting your warmth

wanting your name

wanting you to love me, 

wanting you to save me, 

wanting you to leave me

wanting you to touch me,

wanting you to comfort me

wanting you to STOP

But wanting while not wanting you makes me even want you more.

What torture lurks within a single thought.

my weary mind aches with it's presence.

It's days and days of seeing your name and questions of how you truly feel that constantly remind me of how crushed I am with having you in my mind.

Strange how wanting while not wanting you gives me courage to hold everything to a stand!

You will survive

Life is not easy and

People get busy while others struggle regardless of whether they are weak or strong

But to live and die as you begin is a great fall.

Never have to compete for love, money or fame

For these three can easily sway you to the grave

And all that's left is nothing to gain..

This is a common law of life.

Your future may seem grim

And the clouds over you may lose their flair

But haven't you heard that the more the storm, the more the strength?

And the beauty in pain is a treasure to gain even when our hearts are breaking?

Life is a battle

Not always won but we fight with all we have and one day,.

You will get things right.

If hope is a hand then here's mine to hold.

You cannot give up now

Look how far you have come

You will survive.

Letters to Loulou

Honor

Wonder

Pure

Safe

Great 

Beautiful

Pain

Awe

Loved

Passion

Rationed....

These are some of words that describe how you made me feel. 

For you, 

Tears have fallen in the presence of large bands as I freely opened my gates

For you

Hearts have fallen too

As you are a sight to behold,

Moving every heart in the room

Every heart of my heart.

With you 

I witnessed beauty that stuns forever 

Yellow flame flickers

Coal turned into gold

And the feeling of your body next to mine changed the river's course as our fates intertwined 

The color of your eyes

The curl of your hair 

The curve of your lips

The way you use your hands and the gift God has placed in them

Your beautiful personality

The joy in your smile

The feel of your delicate skin on mine

Your soft temperament 

The touch of your hand 

The display of colors our skins made when our bodies touched

The feeling of utter trust when our hands weaved

The time we apent alone and the time in complete silence

These are all of the things that made me feel sustained 

Now without you

Beautiful memories are incomplete

Stars are only but stars and the sound of the sea nothing but sound.

Without you 

The ocean bliss fades slowly to dread

And another life of uncertainty begins.........

Of Unthatched Realities

The first time I saw you, somehow the universe opened up and birthed life in my emotions....

A life so daring

A life I was unprepared for  to breed

A life of blissful damnation..

I watch as time allows for us to depart

While these memories of us attach to the heart....

I must admit that it's been a tough act to follow as I go from waiting to not waiting for you

From hoping you'd come knocking on my door to looking forward to nothing more

From missing you to realizing that I was never really yours and you mine.

The lack of your presence makes me un-at-peace with where I am

For in this moment my wish would be to lay here with you 

In your arms

Watching the stars

As the music dies

And we catch our last train to the coast.

But ever since the grip came to a hold,

Withholding affection seems to be a favourite of my garments as I never cease to wear it with pride

All the while my object of desire in the darkest hours for passion, love and gratification remains you.

Without attempt of attaching no fault to your name 

By dint of you I have known the heat of sensual fire...

Although we were not, we committed more than lovers

And this body and existence left overwhelmed with awaiting your presence.

All of the love that was made is more than a fire

A once in a life-love molochize

Burning to life a muse that seemed to have died.

You

 I miss the way I felt when I was with you...

The false security and love written in pencils..

Moments of sweet nothings and words so trivial..

You

Made me realize that I cannot live if you are here 

Taught me that people can love you only for a while before they want you gone...

Helped me heal the hurt and calm the storm , I no longer hold on to what's gone ....

You

Are the night that fell just after the best day of my life,

Unwrapped my wounds and let them bleed, now I see all of the things I should have never done with you...

Left my messages on read and left so many words unsaid...

But all I hear is take what's left and disappear...

You

Made me laugh

Made me happy

Made me feel so loved and also made me cry.

Once again I have learned, loved, lost you and most of all changed the best way that I could.

You 

I won't look for anymore

I won't cry for anymore

I won't miss anymore

I don't wonder what went wrong with anymore

 

You

Broke my heart once more

And you helped me gather the courage to let go as you did me.

You helped me choose me.

And you are the best thing I must have never had.

Do you Remember?

Once upon a midnight appall

While I ponder weak and weary upon abominable lores of love unequalled

Do you remember that night we had just returned from wander? The day your eyes set foot in mine......

I was wearing my favourite skirt 

You watched me as my eyes looked yonder to take a stab at ignoring chemistry

But you saw the blood boiling in my veins and you wanted nothing more than to get under my skin....

You said words that you should remember,

Words that lit up a burning ocean, 

Under my skin.

Do you remember that night you drove up the village and walked right into my sacred chambers?

After the hurricane you left me fain in my November garden where I mourn among my fallen petals, 

Before my roses felt the sweet constraint of December rain nor the happiness of January......

Stone heart, cold blood, am now a beautiful nosferatu, in it's truest form, laying still, 

Bleeding black after you burned my body and hurried my heart alive and wrote your true feelings of dead love in my eulogy...

I would be lying if I claimed you served no better purpose in my days of yore...

There's one good deed I fairly attribute to you.

Leaving me stranded and alive.

It was then that I learned that I could withstand everything that could come after you. 

Do you remember that someone once truly loved you?

How I love you

Secretly between the shadow and the soul,

I love you more than you may ever know..

It's almost like a pain but worth enduring.

I love you yesterday, today and enough to do so the rest of my life.

For how you make me feel, I let my heart unbend for I found January in my arms so praise the talisman and bless the charms.

I love you with not much reason but if I could paint a picture, I'd paint a rainbow as it reminds me so much of you. You brought so much color to my life with you. 

You are not the sun or the moon but the light you carry brought vision to my eyes. With you, I see life in so many beautiful ways. 

I love you like death loves life .....

I love you at your worst, in your darkest moments and with all of your flaws. If the stars would collide, I'd beg them to just for you.

I love you and I don't even know how 

But if ever you felt like you needed to leave,.

I promise I'd let you go and be as happy as you want to if it were not with me. 

Absurd but true, 

I love you enough to let you go.....

Is the love dying?

Ice, water, gas,... DISAPPEAR.

Life, birthed, lived, gone.....

DEATH.

Like love dying, but slowly.

Am watching us slowly depart as you do not remember me as you did anymore.

I was in your field of flowers, warm sunlight pouring on my temples and the cold rain running down my petals. You loved to see me bloom for your Caress. 

Nothing feels the same anymore..

Is the love dying?

Suddenly, the days have become empty,

A lot of humans, however, you not being a part of them..

Empty of your presence, calls, tags or texts

Should I keep on waiting

Or should I just stop?

Is the love dying?

Emotional cease-fires as my soul is starting to feel like a wound that won't stop bleeding. 

Zero persistence, we are almost none existent 

Is the love dying?

Of Thinkships (Have you ever)

Have you ever loved someone a million ways and didn't even know how?

Have you ever been sad, lonely, happy, nervous, uncertain, broken?

Have you ever run in the rain or kissed the one you loved in it? Have you ever stayed up all night star gazing, staring at the moon, or thinking about life and asking God why and the universe just how in the world it's mostly been you going through whatever it is that tears you apart?

Have you ever fallen in love with a person who is a reflection of how much you truly love yourself and assures you effortlessly how much you are more than enough without words? Or

Have you ever loved someone so much you were/are afraid to tell them because you imagined how empty life would be when they leave and you can't afford to be so vulnerable to heartbreak because you know that somehow, someday, they would leave you for someone else or the very reason they came to you? Their past (ex) and they left?

Have you ever wanted to make the world a better place for others but really didn't have the means to do so and it made you feel sad or cry because there is nothing you can do to help?

Have you ever wanted to talk to someone about so many things that break you inside so badly but you're afraid they'd judge you and you wish you could meet a total stranger that could feel you and listen?

Have you ever been so afraid of failure, of not being the person your family expects you to be because deep inside you all you want to be is just a simple person and do so many other things that truly make you happy instead, but you somehow you have to make them happy?

Have you ever wanted to jump off a cliff so bad or give up because nothing made sense anymore but you couldn't because the love in your heart for the people you care deeply about just can't let you go and leave them as broken as you are and you can't imagine them going through exactly what you did in that moment?

Have you ever lost a loved one to death, addictions or distance that it left you confused and utterly broken that they literally took away a part of you with them?

Have you ever just taken off on a bus or train or plane to another place just so you can forget or feel a little better, see something different, be in a other space and maybe talk to a total stranger so you can feel better?

Well you are not alone. There's so much hope, am with you, sometimes broken and confused. If you ever feel this way, there's no reason to go through it alone, no reason to be sad, let it burn you but find someone to talk to. I promise you will feel better. You will be alright.♥️