Risen

Its been a while since I sat down to write
Its been a while but my mind is still racing tonight...
Am on that hedge against heartbreak and un ending mistakes...
There's a new edge to my heart's burning desire.

The storm is raging...
my heart fading.....
my walls asphyxiate my very being...
Am seeing only into myself, having some sought of self-examination...
INTROSPECTION

My diastole is overated
I need some self surgery,
everything looks fine on the outside
but the diaspora on the inside....
tired of being teased and tested....
Am my own shadowbox

I drift through life endlessly, treading and shape shifting..
none the less
I am the radical nucleus in the way....
I tend to stay away...


I am aware of my ignorance,
with my strengths and hopes i embrace the facts of my existence....
All restraints have been removed, no more holding back...
ZERO RESISTANCE...

So hold on a second if you missed out on that...
am not a togt arrangement,
the lies people tell , misconceptions and conformity,
Above them i have RISEN!!

Just a girl

My wounds are deeper than your desires...
what you want is nothing compared to what i have...
I am just a girl, that walked into that store every high class person buys from
to grab a bottle of chilled water to quench my thirst.

In this paradox of life
I used to know so well,
My existence is a couple of blurred lines..
can't read my own words
I'm lost in my maze of mortality.

I drown in blood soaked tears,
I'm falling from space
Like an angel with no destination

I am sorry that i can't afford expensive clothes, classy shoes, vibrant hair, dazzling earnings n bracelets, trendy bags and scalves.....
Unable to impress your class, ur mates and maybe
your family ..

My cloud has no silver lining-
It rains too much to shine,
There's no light at the end of the tunnel-
For the tunnel is no longer mine.
Am just a simple gal, swallowed up by my own fears..

Less of a people pleaser,
not wealthy,
I am just a girl, so simple...
with nothing to offer but a heart full of love , honesty,
 care and humor mixed with a portion of mistakes...

I'm searching with closed eyes now..
sometimes my wounds try to control my soul.
I wish the scars would heal off my skin ,
They leave me broken and beaten down to nothing...

Am just a girl, that has one thing she is proud to call her own, A FAMILY

A girl with so many scars
wounded but not bleeding....
cut with so many razors in the flesh
and still able to hold my body against life's walls ...
my wounds are deeper than your desires...

 just a girl that wants to love and be loved...
to share what God has given me with somebody else...
Am not going to change for any reason....
you either take this or leave me😊 ..........
I have nothing more to offer...

Scars remind me

Defeated, wasted, broken , bruised
All because of my addictions
they've left me crying and confused,
cut through my religion
and darkened my good intentions...

What happened to my life??
it's more than makeup staining my eyes....
i wana be in a better place...
not to live this way, all alone

Disregarded, overlooked,
am sinking lower and lower
the shame has left my face in tears n frowns
I hide behind the voice that tells me, KEEP CALM NO ONE KNOWS
but only I know, the guilt that haunts me,
my conscious screams aloud!!

I've had forgotten all i have been given...
Feel like letting go....
my character is at stake..
I am trying to run, make an escapade

But through all of this
He has never left my side,
my face he makes it like others, His word spoke to me,
 i can feel some healing
am recovering...
brought back to life,
He heals the broken, with arms wide open....

Today is another day...
to learn from my mistakes,
to learn that I am not forsaken......
I can rise above the world below...
Those scars remind me who I am.....

Hate mail

The blade of rage flows down my wrist,
every single time i see your name or updates,
like am playing a violin of flesh.
A red river rushes down my arm and floods in my palm...


No matter how much i ignore,
my body is filling with hatred, i truly hate you
yes you've heard me....


my eyes are weary, illusions are all i see,
or am i just hallucinating??
my heart aches with regret from all the memories that were left

Choking on words
strangled by long lived lies
blinded by the insidious smiles
that i keep gettin from a bunch of fake friends
who just talk shit behind my back
I hate those too

I hate you for your likes and your comments
i dnt know what you will call me....
but if you give people your fake smiles and act all supportive when all you do
is poison them,
Hell is the place that suits you well


so am sending you this hatemail
hope it makes you pale
cause i wish you could just end up in hell
cause that place suits you well....😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
now go ahead and hang yourself

The naked Truth

I sit alone for quite long
with a darkened heart,
it always feels like
 a Heavy cloud just covered the skies
the rains are forming up wildly
its gonna rain.......

my heart beats so hard like the thunder storms
its becoming scary in here,
a sharp spark of lightening strikes hitting my chest,
these sharp pains....
i can barely breath.....

Its the fear of the unknown
i did what i had to and now they will know,
i can't face the world anymore
the storm is unbearable

I have sinned with my body and mind
trapped by guilt and shame
everything else is the same,
by why am i the only I that can admit it???
bells ring in my head, but the memories, none of that i can remember....



I tamed myself 'dark child', my soul is cold
i have this thirst for blood
thick enough to run down my vains, cause clearly am getting drained.....
too many fingers pointing and poking me,
my body is sore.....

But this is the truth
I can't bear feeling this way
i dont know what am thinking
Its gonna rain now
my eyes feel heavy,
guilt, shame and regret keep reminding me
that am a child in darkness,
beautiful with my blackness.....
i posses kindness but of what use is it if am surrounded by darkness??

Am a mess,
but il give u a message,
you can hate me, rate me
leave me and tame me because of what i may have done
but one thing you will never
take away is my possession
my dignity and my happiness

when all hope gets lost
something reminds me that there is a God that loves me with this darkness,
just the way i am..
be reminded, before you judge others,
think about what you did the other day

Get over it

Sometimes what we are looking for is just right before our eyes. We just don't see it, because we let our eyes flow like rivers at every tiny bad thing that gets in our way....
wipe out those tears n get a clear view!!!!
‪
Remember, every ending is a a beginning of something new. who knows, maybe that heart break, is gonna turn into a relief of your lifetime and perhaps the disappointment just pavedway for an eexciting appointment of your life?

Time and chance comes to all, so instead of sitting down there and crying and regretting over spelt milk, get up, and move way head on!! you deserve better.
If you can't change it, give it to God and go to sleep.

                       love Lisa.

The darkest part of me

Started with a drop of salt and water from my eye,
A TEAR.....
the day i like to tame the saddest of all,
after the flame died away
that is when sadness, loneliness and darkness filled my soul....
all i felt was the cold..

The darkest part of me...
was lit up immediately..
understanding me is quite impossible
for if all i hide and feel was to be spoken,
you'd all stop for a while not to smile, perhaps walk a mile and fracture at every word I'd speak.

my cloud has no silver lining
it rains too much to shine,
am hidden behind a mask,
strugling to come out,
am a burning flame, a dark rose..
praying endlessly for benediction...

My twisting emotions
are ever in motion...
my fears haunt me, they try to break my word and kill my dream
guilt points to me with a long bony finger..
incages me in darkness,
am lost in my maze of blackness....

while my world crashes down
something new has come in my life....
the desire to kill all the demons n my mind away
the urge to thrill, i must melt down these hills
somebody out there forgave my sins..

Deep down my heart and inside my soul...
a new life must begin, i want to learn , i want to search
and find something worth living for.

But first Lord i need forgiveness, the strength to let go, be free and love again....
Everything is bound to break sooner or later...

I am not perfect

I am not perfect...
I make mistakes
I fall on my face and
in every mess,.
i may curse myself...
but through it all, i brace my soul with His grace....
I am only Human.....

Please don't expect me
to Act like superman
am not a good actor...
Sometimes i could be right
most of the times i am wrong
thats because i love to ride along...
Even when am truly alone..😔

I am imperfect
in my desperate times, i give in to desperate measures....
Then i fall on my knees to weep and bleed
then stand up and become stronger....
So when i learn,
don't expect me not to stumble and fall,
am on my own but i stand to be corrected..
so to find my way up again...

Sometimes...
my presence hurts others,
my opinions may not matter
and my happiness saddens others..
but that wont stop me from being the best i can be..

I relieve in sarcasm...
my words are not too nice,
usually because i replace that flatter with the truth.😀
am less diplomatic
and hell yeah i could be dramatic
i have some kinda magic and darkness..
I am not perfect...

Am a copy of a triangle,
consisted of three angles,
the good, the bad and the ugly part of me that most of you would never accept and believe...
i am not perfect...

So i dnt expect you to judge me, or raise a finger on me
especially if u dont know me,
my name, you can spell
but my story you cannot tell.
i may be a misfit
but am worth it.

I am not perfect,
I totally accept it ....

Because of obsession

There is an obscure logic of my heart...
I cnt really see what's in my past, I know i must look back
and see what i have done
but no! am choosing ignorance this time...
Some things i did out of anger,
and probably the hunger to learn, to go through
and to discover......

Trying to obfuscate my past
am an adult now........
I try not to face what i have done, and what has happened to me...
because clearly i can handle what has become of me..
 my heart pumps fire,
My veins dry out with desire and thirst for blood...
thick enough to quench this fire..

Some words i never really mean them,
some things i did so i could burn them, to discover and later maintain my squeaky
clean image...
trying to fit in..
seemingly beyond my will to control.

Am a broken record,
full of damaged pieces of
broken promises and empty words,
seemingly perfect yet covered in dark clouds full of lies,
white walls without doors...
In a place i cant run from
THE pAST...

My body is a victim
carrying in my Life's system
far from that of an angel
that some people are....
soo vulnerable , been used
probably misused and misread ..
they toil with it but they cant reach my heart...
it's valiant
its valour picks me up and reminds me of how much value i posses...

The Demon that tried to befriend me,
it left me, found no reason to be wth me..
The eyes i have see no fear,
they look at wrong and yet see good in it...
In total blackness, i see beams of light directing me.
Theres nothing to hide,
the guilt beneath my fears
it beseechs the benevolence
that i poses...

I stumble and fall
break and bleed but nothing
cuts me open,
the most important thing...
Am only human..

well the truth is,
i have my own piece of the story....
am not perfect, i am fond of bending rules,
guilt is my friend, but am trying to divorce it...
All the fifthy things i have dne remind me
That God's mercy and love is beyond my mistakes ..
so i have learnt that obsession is the worst destruction of me...

My Travel piece (The beauty of Nature)

The nature of nature
is the nature i simply dont understand...
Its amazing
i can't stop gazing

at the trees nd their branches,
the hills and their bushes...
The sweet fresh air oozing from them....
its the beauty of nature that
excites me....

Traveling through these roads with goosebumps...
not even feeling these bumps...
My eyes are stuck out the window,
even the wind knows....
The beauty and nature of nature...

incomparable,
nothing can compete it whatsoever....
i say its unbeatable coz even the view out here is unbelievable....
its like plants are talking somehow...
sending messages to my heart
then to my soul,
i feel at eaze,
this is what i need....

The beauty of nature
and its nature...

Nobody cares

I have black messy hair..
swelled white eyes
usually in my sweater
a girl that nobody bothers to understand
but who cares??
my nose still catches the air..

Its like my words hurt people around me
so i keep my mouth taped
with my fingers crossed over my lips...
they dont even know me,
yet they placed me behind dark curtains ..
that am certain

My soul usually hurts
its the pokes of those fingers that they keep pointing at me,
easily and always judged
but i keep no grudge
perhaps you should read my story....

i have quite a smile
i guess it just keeps me alive when in despair..
my type is rare
but nobody cares......

You have no idea what i have been through...
where the darkness in me lies,
theres a light that outshines it.......
but nobody cares

I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME

Lord i need you to hold me

In my foolishness,
you are the wisdom that stands for me,

In my fears,
you are the eyes that see beyond the darkest part of my heart,
you direct my feet where to step and how to move on...
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME

In my sadness and sorrows,
Lord u are the voice that whispers to my heart and soul
and reminds me that i am worth dying for..

Lord when i am broken,
you are the miracle that i need,
you put all pieces together
and you make me whole again....

In the times am doubtful,
you are my surity,
my strong tower, Always giving me the answers i need ...
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME.

When they say am not pretty,
you remind me that am the apple of your eyes,
that am beautiful and was created in ur image...
the best of creation..

When i am drowned in sin, shame and judgements,
you still look at me with love, your arms wide open and ,
you remind me that am a daughter of a King, Accepted...
I Am Yours God..
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME

In my loneliness, u wrap me up in your arms and comfort me....
You never leave me..

when am needing,
you are the help that comes my way at the right time

When people see the worst of me,
you bring out the best in me.
you are my hope,
when i stumble n fall,
u raise me up all over....
again and again...

Am lost without you
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME..
For I know that it is your love and faithfulness that has brought me this far...

For this, i lay down my life before you...
and for the rest of my life God,
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME

Ignorance

sometimes i lay awake in the night
trying to get over a life full of lies.....
when i lookout the window, i yearn fr the dark skies
without the stars.....
hoping my heart could have less of scars .....

I cant see with scientific eyes,
like everybody does.
I don't know how flowers grow
a star is a star as i see, ,
a rose is just a rose.
Am not planet wise, i dont wana know.....

Ignorance is bliss,
i tell my soul.
oh well, it seems so strange to know nothing,
never to be sure of what z real or rather right...
i should probably switch on that light....

I find myself trying to fix things that aint even broken
 its like every word i speak has already been spoken...

 I dont pay much attention to my mind
especially during those hard times
coz when i feel like my life doesn't make sence,
i know its caused by my own tolerable IGNORANCE

Dear Life Partner

Dear Life Partner

I can't wait for every second that you and i will spend together.....
Regardless of the weather....
we wil be forever.

When i think about my future all i see is you
because i know that with you,
the wish i made will finally came true.
I wished on that one bright star in the sky
that someone would love me and be that special guy. ...
Well you will be my miracle man....

I will be right besides you
more than just a partner or a lover
i will be your friend....
through it all, wil have each other.....

I apologise for my mistakes, attitudes, and anger levels because trust me,
there's no guarantee that they will not be there...

BUT till the end,
I'll be with you ..........
that's what i wana do..
move with time.

so when you get angry, I'll try and contain the anger and probably the messy attitude that will come wth the anger....
Honey I'll smile all the way,
perhaps everyday..

when you're sad i will be the smile that you will need to laugh again...
i will believe in you
see the best in you...
i just hope you will do the same...

As my husband,
you will have my hand
up in everything you wana do.....
climb mountains, cry fountains and most of all pray together.
U will have my hand forever..

And sometimes
I know that we will lay back to back in silence
but i will never slip away to coldness.
In the darkness, I'll keep my silence
just to listen to your heart beat
So i will keep feeling close.

Through your storms, stones and thorns,
I will be strong
to be the one you can lean on..

I will fight not fight my strength to untape my mouth
cause with you i know I'll be free to speak my mind..
and I'll learn to just let it out..

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE SURE THAT I AM YOURS......

i gotta heal

something i need to confess on
there was no connection..
these emotions deep down my extra beated heart have no affection.....

the pain i feel is so disturbing.....
i should have listened,
to my inner voice that is locked up
am just hoping that this emotion wont cut my heart open...

am human, a woman usually mistaken
i have to mention that at times things that i despise jus get to happen...

when i can't control it,
i wana blame it on dad
mayne he should have never died.....
am so broken..

when i try to pick up these personal pieces,
life just pulls me down towards streams of cold rated blood,
so how can i pass

i need to be held
i need to be told
that all is ok,
my scars are too open...

why did this happen??
my heart is haunted,
my mind distorted...
why am i still living?

this baggage is quite a package...
the litle light has flashed to darkness....
i cant contain it but i must accept it....

my heart is hurting,
i feel a lot of pain....
something like a disappointment,
wish i could just flip off some pages but its hard to ignore the message that my heart is sending.....

things gotta change.
this pain is real i gotta heal..

Accepted

Here's what i think
You have a heart of Gold
you know you have been called
but you're stuck up being cold
so you put God on hold....

They say
once you sell ur soul,there's no turning back,
everything you once dreamt of has no impact....
all black...
well thats just a lie they use to tie you down.....

seen as a star
but really you're just full of scars...
Riding in fancy cars, dead smiles, fine clothes , fast life but all that will expire....

so LISTEN...
Am not much of a saint
but trust me u gata repent
cause see, every finishing line is a beginning of a new race.......
you say you dont know what is wrong and right
but you've heard that Christ is light
you chose to be blind
and yet you are tired of being your own plight.....

and ThIS is true though.
not all scars show and not all wounds heal.
sometimes you never truly see the pain that others feel...

I don't know you
its pointless to judge you
but here's the truth....
its not too late to live right,
just turn back and put on that light.

You are ACCEPTED
you are God's child
so be proud.....

Give it to God and go to sleep

Broken and bruised
you tired of being used??
obviously you didn't choose
to lose yourself till nothing
can ever get you amused...
More like an emotional abuse.....

you met based on a lie
moved on a tide,
everything was too fast,
you were too kind
but now you were left behind.
ITS TRUE AFTER ALL
some relationships are meant to die.

Held you up so tight , u lost fright
and just in due time, you called the shots and gave it a try...
But no u never ended like Bonnie and Clyde

made your heart skip
with promises he'd never really keep
but u still stayed up all night without sleep
just so he could be pleased.

you thought it was love
even if it was never enough...
looking at you now, he cant even call you up..

I am not trying to be mean,
i just want you to know that
even if you thought He was the one,
you were apart from his heart.

He could be in your scary dreams
always floating in blood streams and
playing with your sacred strings.
Regrets can be,
 the future is green.

So now you must know...
some relationships aint just meant to be.
 If he cant take the bullet,
just let him be.

You must wait....
Time will Heal u but Trust me, GOD'S GOT IT.
GIVE IT TO HIM AND GO TO SLEEP.

Imperfection

The pain of looking in a mirror and seeing
 a reflect that ought to be imperfect,
Lord it looks disturbing...
I cant even tell if the girl i see is me...

The shadows cloak my heart
They creep in from my past
The guilt, the pain, the shame and all those mistakes that turn out to be regrets...
But really that is just part of the start...

I contain only little charm
I give best the gift of harm
Maybe thats what it really is to be human.
This imperfection i cant equal
I could be rated evil,
But the blame cant be placed on my ego
Its because sometimes i just cant compare whats good from evil
I long to heal though
So u must know its perfection that i seek

I have been trying to fit in for ages
Flipping off the pages, am so tired of faking
I may flip, am a freak and i could be really creepy
But this girl is really me.....

You can either love me, or leave me,
I wont lose it because this is who i really am,
a perfection of imperfection.....

The perfection that i sought
Made me learn quite alot,
 i will never stay the same, yes i may not even win this game..
of being soo perfect
But truth be told,
Av learnt that imperfection is where perfection lies....😊😊😊😊💪☺✌

mixed feelings

The fire that others fear
is the heat i long to bear...
I usually have despair
but anyway who cares??
This life cant be so fair

Everything is going wrong
and its kinda taking long.
I feel like an old worn out shoe
i am not very new. .
Its like am in the wrong place
and everything is happening in some
kind of race...

Keeping up with things today,
is harder than my words can say
for everytime i think am strong
there i fall on many thorns...
and all i can tell me is that am
Human so i pick up my personal
pieces and rise again..

Life is like a maze
so i just sit here and gaze
i sit all by myself for no one can
understand better than i ..
Am amazed.....

Anyway, my wrist is the prisoner
holding in my life's blood.
I ponder the emptiness of my
own existence...
its like nobody loves me....

I must belong somewhere
i need to show who i really  am
but mayne......
there's too many words i can't spell
my slick slippery heel is a banana peel
Maybe someday i will heal
from these feelings down here

No one will understand,
definitely not in this land....