Because of obsession

There is an obscure logic of my heart...
I cnt really see what's in my past, I know i must look back
and see what i have done
but no! am choosing ignorance this time...
Some things i did out of anger,
and probably the hunger to learn, to go through
and to discover......

Trying to obfuscate my past
am an adult now........
I try not to face what i have done, and what has happened to me...
because clearly i can handle what has become of me..
 my heart pumps fire,
My veins dry out with desire and thirst for blood...
thick enough to quench this fire..

Some words i never really mean them,
some things i did so i could burn them, to discover and later maintain my squeaky
clean image...
trying to fit in..
seemingly beyond my will to control.

Am a broken record,
full of damaged pieces of
broken promises and empty words,
seemingly perfect yet covered in dark clouds full of lies,
white walls without doors...
In a place i cant run from
THE pAST...

My body is a victim
carrying in my Life's system
far from that of an angel
that some people are....
soo vulnerable , been used
probably misused and misread ..
they toil with it but they cant reach my heart...
it's valiant
its valour picks me up and reminds me of how much value i posses...

The Demon that tried to befriend me,
it left me, found no reason to be wth me..
The eyes i have see no fear,
they look at wrong and yet see good in it...
In total blackness, i see beams of light directing me.
Theres nothing to hide,
the guilt beneath my fears
it beseechs the benevolence
that i poses...

I stumble and fall
break and bleed but nothing
cuts me open,
the most important thing...
Am only human..

well the truth is,
i have my own piece of the story....
am not perfect, i am fond of bending rules,
guilt is my friend, but am trying to divorce it...
All the fifthy things i have dne remind me
That God's mercy and love is beyond my mistakes ..
so i have learnt that obsession is the worst destruction of me...