She finds herself Letting go

 She finds herself letting go without a thought or compromise ,She's letting go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head...All the memories, ideas and emotions holding her back,

The anxiety, the worries of what will be. What if this never returns? The fear of moving on.

She finds herself letting go as her love doesn't seem to notice the pain she may be going through as she watches him live without a care.

She finds herself letting go as she holds on to love, to what remains after all the pain is put away...

As the nerves sit ceremonious like tombs. Her dense heart questions how he cannot see that it's not about trust.....

She finds herself letting go as she finally breathes her pain like fresh air and bleeds through the heart like night terror..

She lets go as the less she controls, the more she gets to grow and realizes that she cannot do it for someone else anymore regardless of all the care.....

She finds herself letting go 

As she realizes that she cannot control another as much as she does not want to try and change the other.......   

I  hope you can find yourself letting go when it feels like you have to fear for what is to be. 

Life Lately

Life lately has been excitement and mystery impossible to resist....

Full of connections as strong as was true.....

Life lately

Has been holding on to happiness that I never really had.

Holding on to love that was never really mine.

Life lately 

Has been smiles struggling to be more than a just a grin

And laughter that barely held on to true happiness. 

Life lately

Has been magic...

To love so deeply, easily and truly, and now

It has started to disappear....

Life lately 

Had been living with a part of me,

Soft kisses and blissful moments and now....

It's time he let's me go.....

Life lately 

Has been dreaming of love, forever and how to live like that....

A million questions that where never really answered but now all I can do is ask myself how.

And Life lately,

Has finally been pain and deep connections and emotions flowing in waves of absolute uncertainties...

And now

Like a sail ship at night,

I sail away

To another life now......

End of Love

 End of love.

Seems like now

But what is Love?

Who can tell me?

Surely you would know 

My love lies somewhere in your eyes of cerulean blue

While yours is the shadow time when hypnotic kisses declare love and make promises that dissolve with approaching dawn.

None existent 

Thousands and one night 

Love and passion rose

When you where still there for me to behold...

It didn't take me the breath of all my life but I assure you, it took me every Fibre of my being to fall back into love and love with you 

In this frigid state.

I reminisce when this was simple

When thoughts of you where utter bliss

When you where the priest of my noetic eyes and I was the priestess of your unpoetic pain,

We where a miracle.

Unapproved. 

But now you're somewhere behind me

You have my heart

And my soul bleeds black 

To rise to where spirits flow and my current weapon is endurance as I slowly fall into death

A death of my heart and it's heart........

To be found by You.

 What would the stars with all their pride be worth,

Where there is no night to call their shine forth?

And what would my heart feel if there was no you to bring all this bewilderment?

Since you walked into my life, I have been dreaming of sunshine in the midst of the rain. 

My tongue is full of uncertain words while inside my mind, I moan with love. 

If I had never met you, this piece wouldn't have been born and I wouldn't feel the thrill of risking all that I was holding back to fully give into love. 

I wouldn't feel this alive.

If I had never opened myself up to you, 

I wouldn't have felt the sparks, the joy and the delight of letting myself go.

I wouldn't know the pleasure of ecstasy's warm gifts and memories to treasure. 

But just as life begins to clear

I gasp aloud at the realization that, whatever that was might not be as you say I mean to you....

So I throw myself back into this ocean deep and blue.

Hoping to be found by you.

A beautiful being

 Lust and your eyes

Trust and your arms

Satisfying my desires

Comfort, joy, fun, connections and passion we shared so magically.

Expectedly happening again would be that radio silence but I am hoping that this could be more than some flings.

The perfect brilliance and feelings, still familiar, so threatening, the hum of anxious breaths and tongues and whispers consumes me as I teach my body and mind the absence of your presence. 

The thoughts of nothing more literally pulls me to the floor. The nights without you in my bed bring back memories of the nights with you in my bed and that comes back and clearly we had it all. All the fun, all the love, all the passion, all of the fire, all of the time and the best part of all of it Is you.

Now all that is there to hold is beautiful memories and  hope that somehow, someday and somewhere this could be alive again and my skin would finally feel the warmth of your embrace once more.

Loving Me (Letters to self)

Loving me is like kisses from moonlight and caresses from the stars

Thinking about me is like dancing from Jupiter to Mars

Being me is like dancing in the rain, such a delight

This love for me is a revolution and every inch of me is matching for it

The universe wove me from a constellation and each star represents a part of my life, beautiful, strong and bright.

I have forgiven myself, I let it all go, I choose me, 

and I will continue to love myself in a way that no one else ever will because

Loving me has been the simplest, quietest and yet most powerful revolution ever!

Love always,

Lisa.

SOMETIMES (Thoughts of complexity)

SOMETIMES.....

Life gets crazy but what's even crazier is that when it does

The empty space suddenly feels complete....

Sometimes I feel so empty but this emptiness fulfils me in ways I can hardly describe...

In the midst of the storm is a tiny little home built of rocks and hope and it screams a loud hello so I push through to shelter in...

Sometimes, hope says goodbye and the world almost turns around but the sun, she won't stop at nothing to shine it's light.... so then it gets hold of a piece of my heart that hope tried to let go and I carry on and am gone

Sometimes, my heart breaks, it breaks in tiny pieces at so many things my eyes see and the thoughts my mind processes...… I hurt for people, from people and from life but see this same life speaks volumes of strength in every breath I take and am reminded by her that every next breath is an opportunity to change, to feel, to see,  and to choose differently

Sometimes nothing makes sense and am left to wander but also the darkened rain falls in motions of life and love and thunder …I pick up and try again after

In such moments I remember that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and life should take it's turns no matter how hard it can be because the end is meant to be beautiful.

Sometimes, I want to love with every fiber of my being but heartbreak reminds me that there was a time this heart almost couldn't heal but what does my heart know? I will love and love and love until love dies or I...

Sometimes, I wonder why and what am living for, at this age that the world expects so much but am constantly reminded by the child in me that this life is meant to be lived by me and I am alive and free!

Sometimes, the crazy, the wild, the ugly, the bad, the worst, the pain, and the loss is exactly what you need to feel alive again! Sometimes the very worst births the very best so embrace every inch of it, as it comes. 

Sometimes, the healing is in the pain. Don't ask why. 

Sometimes,
Life is waiting for you to give it a try. 

But Life Carries On

Rife

is exactly how I would describe my endless attempt to fill this longing

But now that you're gone, music is more than just sound and the stars represent the beauty of life in highest magnitude

Life's beauty will continue to flourish all around and I will carry on with my heart gracefully.

The sun will slowly rise and the moon will follow too

 Now that you're gone, time won't stop and worry won't be my song

This heart will grow an inch bigger in love and wisdom and lessons have been learnt.

I remember when I believed everything you said and moved by everything you did

When my heart and body yearned for nothing else but you

But now that you're gone, my heart will open into blossoms and my petals will glow

Life will be amazing and I will accomplish so much 

My dreams will become reality and my love will find it's rightful place.

Now that you're gone

I realize that all along I deserved way better and my head will rest

My life will go on, my smile will sparkle, my dreams will be lived, and I will thrive!

The seams you have left, I will carry as beauty marks

Now that you're gone, my heart will rest and I will carry on.

Heart break, an Anniversary

 This is me taking flowers

Taking flowers again to the cemetery of my heart

This is me crying

This is me hurting again because its our anniversary

My body, soul, heart and mind hurt from heartbreak once again

This is me writing 

Trying to let out the pain

Trying to convince myself but it's all strange

There's no one to blame and nothing to gain

The way things end is quite a shame.

This is me telling my heart to walk out the door

For love just left this room.

This is me wishing I heard goodbye

From the love that I held dearly to this heart

The love I kept in the deepest places of my heart and the most important parts of my life.

The love I was given in the dark.

This is me cold.

This is me getting gone.

This is me Laying my tombstone. 

Wanting You

Cognizantly aware of the shadowy place that I have entered

blurred by the colors of what I think and feel and what should I do?

In this place is wanting, wanting and wanting, the room is filled with emotions of lusting, lusting and lusting 

and on the walls are shadow smiles full of wishes, wishes and wishes

of you

Before I got here, somewhere behind the chitty chats and happy hellos

Our need was evident. Simply wanting.

For me, its been wanting your sin

wanting your pain,

wanting your warmth

wanting your name

wanting you to love me, 

wanting you to save me, 

wanting you to leave me

wanting you to touch me,

wanting you to comfort me

wanting you to STOP

But wanting while not wanting you makes me even want you more.

What torture lurks within a single thought.

my weary mind aches with it's presence.

It's days and days of seeing your name and questions of how you truly feel that constantly remind me of how crushed I am with having you in my mind.

Strange how wanting while not wanting you gives me courage to hold everything to a stand!

You will survive

Life is not easy and

People get busy while others struggle regardless of whether they are weak or strong

But to live and die as you begin is a great fall.

Never have to compete for love, money or fame

For these three can easily sway you to the grave

And all that's left is nothing to gain..

This is a common law of life.

Your future may seem grim

And the clouds over you may lose their flair

But haven't you heard that the more the storm, the more the strength?

And the beauty in pain is a treasure to gain even when our hearts are breaking?

Life is a battle

Not always won but we fight with all we have and one day,.

You will get things right.

If hope is a hand then here's mine to hold.

You cannot give up now

Look how far you have come

You will survive.