Living alone.
Dying alone..
The scent of your cologne...
Feeling alone
And the voices in my head won't just stop....
Being dumb
Feeling numb when there's so much to overcome.......
Am afraid of so many things....
Afraid of what I know..
The truth
Words
The thought of hades
Striving for perfection...
Voices playing at the back of my head,
Negative thoughts.
Anxiety.
Feelings that there is nothing I can do to take it away..
Absolute fear of expression.
Depression.
My mind
A place where bad things bloom, one minute i have the power in the room, the next am
Full of self doubt
Sabotage.
I love yous
The distance
The feeling
To speak out
To lean in......
To hold on..
To show it...
Am afraid I cant stop wearing all the versions of my broken heart...
Am afraid
To try out
To be me
Limits
Should I cry now?
What if they find out?
Am afraid of fear...
Relentless fear...
so many things but most of all,
Am afraid this same fear began to drive me to..
So much faith
Determination
Hope
I couldn't help falling into Grace
Remembrance
That it was overcome....
Reason that I can become....
#loading
........
Friday, 4 October 2019
Friday, 20 September 2019
Words never said... #StopRape
Like a flicker in every flame,
She watched her dreams get torn off in fast motions.
Who would have thought life could shape shift in a blink of an eye?
If she had a genie and one wish, she would have wished for a different day and a better life...
She thought family was safe because she was told that family could never hurt her...
She loved you dearly but you took that innocence from a child that ne'er knew hate.
You ripped her apart mercilessly and she bled, pinned her against the wall, mouth completely shut and threatened the life out of her...
Tore apart her tender tissue and and blocked the light from inside of her soul....
Now she is afraid, you took her pride together with her confidence..
She made it clear she was only looking for true friendship,
She trusted you and told you her greatest fears but you....
You saw your selfish lustful desires satisfied in her vulnerability, you saw an object of lustful pleasure...
Forced, threatened and used out of will...
Her life forever changed, made her ashamed...
Broken and bruised because of you..
She couldn't talk to nobody, ne'er had the strength to talk to a friend.....
She could have been your sister or your daughter....
This woman could have been a mother, a doctor, a teacher, an influential woman and someone society would look up to, she would have brought change, She had bigger dreams and you were supposed to protect her but you failed as a man because as you go about living a wonderful life, she wakes up to drastic fear everyday.
5fvvBecause she was wearing a skirt, you assumed she asked for it...
WE ARE SCREAMING TO BE HEARD! NO ONE DESERVES TO BE RAPPED.
OUR FALLEN SISTERS WON'T SPEAK BUT WE DARE TO SHOW OUR RAGE!
THEY ARE US, WE ARE THEM AND EVEN IF WE DIDN'T GO THROUGH IT, WE FEEL THEIR PAIN AND WE KNOW WE ARE NOT SAFE.
#StopRape
She watched her dreams get torn off in fast motions.
Who would have thought life could shape shift in a blink of an eye?
If she had a genie and one wish, she would have wished for a different day and a better life...
She thought family was safe because she was told that family could never hurt her...
She loved you dearly but you took that innocence from a child that ne'er knew hate.
You ripped her apart mercilessly and she bled, pinned her against the wall, mouth completely shut and threatened the life out of her...
Tore apart her tender tissue and and blocked the light from inside of her soul....
Now she is afraid, you took her pride together with her confidence..
She made it clear she was only looking for true friendship,
She trusted you and told you her greatest fears but you....
You saw your selfish lustful desires satisfied in her vulnerability, you saw an object of lustful pleasure...
Forced, threatened and used out of will...
Her life forever changed, made her ashamed...
Broken and bruised because of you..
She couldn't talk to nobody, ne'er had the strength to talk to a friend.....
She could have been your sister or your daughter....
This woman could have been a mother, a doctor, a teacher, an influential woman and someone society would look up to, she would have brought change, She had bigger dreams and you were supposed to protect her but you failed as a man because as you go about living a wonderful life, she wakes up to drastic fear everyday.
5fvvBecause she was wearing a skirt, you assumed she asked for it...
WE ARE SCREAMING TO BE HEARD! NO ONE DESERVES TO BE RAPPED.
OUR FALLEN SISTERS WON'T SPEAK BUT WE DARE TO SHOW OUR RAGE!
THEY ARE US, WE ARE THEM AND EVEN IF WE DIDN'T GO THROUGH IT, WE FEEL THEIR PAIN AND WE KNOW WE ARE NOT SAFE.
#StopRape
Thursday, 19 September 2019
Hold on
Tick tok tick tok
Sometimes it feels like time just stops...
Tick Tok Tick Tok
One step at a time sometimes feels like pure failure...
Candles in the air blown out .
Tik tok Tik tok
The sun slowly fades and visions become blurry
Dreams die a slow death in that sudden moment when all hope seems lost and the light that was guiding you went out...
Tik tok tik tok
When the time is ticking and old age creeping in....
You fee left out, no love, no drive, lost hope, slow life, bad luck, hard falls....
Screams so deep, a confusion deeply rooted to the brain..
But tik tok tik tok...
The time never stops moving,
Seasons will never be constant,
The universe will always be moving,
Winds will ner stop blowing, storms can never seize their flooding and the sun, it will never stop shining!
HOPE IS STILL RISING!
Tik tok tik tok
Pick up your hope
This is to remind you that the sun will never stop shining, keep striving until you make it happen.
Sometimes it feels like time just stops...
Tick Tok Tick Tok
One step at a time sometimes feels like pure failure...
Candles in the air blown out .
Tik tok Tik tok
The sun slowly fades and visions become blurry
Dreams die a slow death in that sudden moment when all hope seems lost and the light that was guiding you went out...
Tik tok tik tok
When the time is ticking and old age creeping in....
You fee left out, no love, no drive, lost hope, slow life, bad luck, hard falls....
Screams so deep, a confusion deeply rooted to the brain..
But tik tok tik tok...
The time never stops moving,
Seasons will never be constant,
The universe will always be moving,
Winds will ner stop blowing, storms can never seize their flooding and the sun, it will never stop shining!
HOPE IS STILL RISING!
Tik tok tik tok
Pick up your hope
This is to remind you that the sun will never stop shining, keep striving until you make it happen.
Wednesday, 18 September 2019
She #DiariesandEmotions
Over thinking
Profound recollection
Its suddenly getting dead to breathe.....
The conversations, the laughter, every moment, so sweet, so sour ...
A special part of her life.
The conviction of
A difference slowly faded.....
Gently, carefully and beautifully placed was her love for you upon her heart .....
Silently, hopelessly and fearlessly she loved you with every inch of her fibre...
She told you she loved you even when you hesitated to say it back...
Behind her love she was filled with shame..
And now its pain that comes creeping in heartlessly, unforgivably and meaninglessly.....
Love briefly misplaced by rage and denial...
At this point there's no time to try and no tears to cry as her strength increases by pain...
Taking her fears away and making them true is the worst thing you proudly achieved....
But I hope that one day you will see how strong and beautiful a broken piece will be mended, and she will not see you.
She will be fine
And she will be loved.
You are not the last
Believe me she will get over this past.
Profound recollection
Its suddenly getting dead to breathe.....
The conversations, the laughter, every moment, so sweet, so sour ...
A special part of her life.
The conviction of
A difference slowly faded.....
Gently, carefully and beautifully placed was her love for you upon her heart .....
Silently, hopelessly and fearlessly she loved you with every inch of her fibre...
She told you she loved you even when you hesitated to say it back...
Behind her love she was filled with shame..
And now its pain that comes creeping in heartlessly, unforgivably and meaninglessly.....
Love briefly misplaced by rage and denial...
At this point there's no time to try and no tears to cry as her strength increases by pain...
Taking her fears away and making them true is the worst thing you proudly achieved....
But I hope that one day you will see how strong and beautiful a broken piece will be mended, and she will not see you.
She will be fine
And she will be loved.
You are not the last
Believe me she will get over this past.
Tuesday, 19 March 2019
Be as beautiful as YOU are....
Inhale and exhale....
Gasp the freshness of the air for you are you, and you are beautiful inside out....
Scream, shout, cry, and laugh it all out...
Embrace the touch of emotions on your soul...
Nature itself is dazzled by your stare and freedom is overwhelmed by your smile and the sound of your laughter!
Run , dance, jump, spread, fall and rise!....
Arise to the beauty of your existence....
Your skin whips up the sun to brighten up even more with the shade of your skin....
So as you walk on, breath in the blessed air and feel as beautiful and free as you are!
You are everything beautiful and beauty is YOU.
Gasp the freshness of the air for you are you, and you are beautiful inside out....
Scream, shout, cry, and laugh it all out...
Embrace the touch of emotions on your soul...
Nature itself is dazzled by your stare and freedom is overwhelmed by your smile and the sound of your laughter!
Run , dance, jump, spread, fall and rise!....
Arise to the beauty of your existence....
Your skin whips up the sun to brighten up even more with the shade of your skin....
So as you walk on, breath in the blessed air and feel as beautiful and free as you are!
You are everything beautiful and beauty is YOU.
Friday, 1 March 2019
YOU (1)
Sometimes all I think about is you and all of the things that you do.....
The thought of you is stuck on me like glue.....
There's a little more shine in my eyes and happiness in my life because of you....
Your touch on my skin brings back life in my veins anew....
And the look in your eyes a bloody heavenly view...
With you in my life, the skies remain overly blue and your presence glows rays of warmth and light...
Your finger tips on my skin, a feeling so young...
You came to me like a luminous dot appearing in the cloudless portion of my life.....STAR
Your heart and soul a treasure for keeps and just so you should know, I wrote all of this for you....
The thought of you is stuck on me like glue.....
There's a little more shine in my eyes and happiness in my life because of you....
Your touch on my skin brings back life in my veins anew....
And the look in your eyes a bloody heavenly view...
With you in my life, the skies remain overly blue and your presence glows rays of warmth and light...
Your finger tips on my skin, a feeling so young...
You came to me like a luminous dot appearing in the cloudless portion of my life.....STAR
Your heart and soul a treasure for keeps and just so you should know, I wrote all of this for you....
Sunday, 3 February 2019
Everything Beautiful
Everything beautiful!
Moonlit chimes full of love and fond fire in the belly....
A smile from the one that I love....
A walk in the park with our hands intertwined...
The look in your eyes when you tell me that you love me and the sound of your voice when you mention my name.....
PASSION
The peace solitude offers in the dead of night as I reminisce....
The sound of the waters at shore as I marvel at the beauty of creation...
The uniquely wonderful picture the sun paints at twilight....
The sound of music that we heard together when it plays...
BLISS
The sight of little birds playing and settling restlessly on the highest branches........
The sound of innocent babe's laughing
TRANQUILITY
The good people in our lives...
Rainy days, sunny days and snowy days...
Moments filled with laughter and conversations that run waves in the sand and tells the crickets goodnight......
WONDER
A drive in the wilderness with you by my side....
The urge for adrenaline rush...
And the feel of your skin on mine...
DEVOTION
Moonlit chimes full of love and fond fire in the belly....
A smile from the one that I love....
A walk in the park with our hands intertwined...
The look in your eyes when you tell me that you love me and the sound of your voice when you mention my name.....
PASSION
The peace solitude offers in the dead of night as I reminisce....
The sound of the waters at shore as I marvel at the beauty of creation...
The uniquely wonderful picture the sun paints at twilight....
The sound of music that we heard together when it plays...
BLISS
The sight of little birds playing and settling restlessly on the highest branches........
The sound of innocent babe's laughing
TRANQUILITY
The good people in our lives...
Rainy days, sunny days and snowy days...
Moments filled with laughter and conversations that run waves in the sand and tells the crickets goodnight......
WONDER
A drive in the wilderness with you by my side....
The urge for adrenaline rush...
And the feel of your skin on mine...
DEVOTION
Sunday, 30 December 2018
The one whose heart is pure
In the dead roo of night
When my mind is dreaded underneath the dark windy skies and petals fall off this rose of mine.....
The one whose heart is pure looks beyond what mosten do...
Like a sentry, He keeps watch over me, every instant of time and shows me His love is true...
When society tells me that I need some bucks rolling to be cool,
He reminds me of His precious word over my life that is true.....
His grace is a tempest of love, so beautiful and wild...
When trouble befalls me and overshadows my light,
He lights up the way and whispers in my ear,
I am with you.
The one whose heart is pure fights all my battles and resques me...
When men replace me,
He holds my hand and reminds me of how ai am worth dying for...
The one whose heart is pure whispers and says 'I am with you and I will never leave you....
When am stuck with guilt, pain, shame, regrets and condemnation,
His word reminds me that He paid it all on the cross when He gave His life for me..
And I am free....
Despite my faults, He still calls me His own ..
His banner over me is love, steadfast and ever flowing..
He is my first, and only true love..
The one whose heart is pure will never leave me nor forsake me,
He provides all of my needs according to His riches in Glory!
And i can do all things through Him...
My years are his and my life is absolutely meaningless without Him.
*Jesus*
Wednesday, 19 December 2018
Cryptic Existence
Reflecting on myself feels utterly alien....
Ardent compulsion to being a better me....
Infinity and invisibility
Is my existence, my own illusion......
Am I completely there?
Once I was lost in the infertile existence of my soul....
To drill a hope in the inundated soul was profoundly difficult as gale had blown away the talisman.....
But as the saying goes, after every storm the sun will smile, sol married with the skies and beauty with purpose was reborn......
Now free from the chains of social acceptance and prison society has created for everyone struggling for recognition...
Trading life for existence, love for money, freedom for safety, or didnity for acceptance.
I won't put my life on the line......
Everyting exists for a reason, and behind that there is a meaning....
Without birth and death, life would be stagnant,
Without freedom there would be no safety,
Without the clouds in the skies, rains wouldn't fall,
Without rythym and sound, what is music?
Without struggles, trials and failures, success would be absolutely meaningless.....
Now imagine a day with complete absence of sol, absolute gloom......
If I could imagine life without God, I would not be in existence.
Ardent compulsion to being a better me....
Infinity and invisibility
Is my existence, my own illusion......
Am I completely there?
Once I was lost in the infertile existence of my soul....
To drill a hope in the inundated soul was profoundly difficult as gale had blown away the talisman.....
But as the saying goes, after every storm the sun will smile, sol married with the skies and beauty with purpose was reborn......
Now free from the chains of social acceptance and prison society has created for everyone struggling for recognition...
Trading life for existence, love for money, freedom for safety, or didnity for acceptance.
I won't put my life on the line......
Everyting exists for a reason, and behind that there is a meaning....
Without birth and death, life would be stagnant,
Without freedom there would be no safety,
Without the clouds in the skies, rains wouldn't fall,
Without rythym and sound, what is music?
Without struggles, trials and failures, success would be absolutely meaningless.....
Now imagine a day with complete absence of sol, absolute gloom......
If I could imagine life without God, I would not be in existence.
Wednesday, 21 November 2018
Forever
Since you have been gone, the sun, the flowers, the trees, the winds, and the sounds of birds and crickets, everything beautiful reminds me of you.....
I have learnt to live for each day and moment and take it as a blessing knowing that it may not always be this way.....
Since your demise,
All i have known is pain, but i have also learnt to give and feel the beauty of love because someday, i may never be able to to feel and give again...
I have learnt to trust God with every inch of my fibre and live life in His beautiful ways because now i know that this life is not mine ....
Your demise has taught me so many things but not how to live without you besty...
My love for black has grown fonder because it symbolizes how painful and dark my world seems without you,
Now you are gone forever............
Music is the only thing that speaks to me and keeps me friendly company, i have no one to share with the things i shared with you now that you are gone forever.....
Ennui my new damned friend, for no one can ever replace you or fill up the space you left in my life ,
Now that you are gone forever....
Blissdom don't seem like blissdom anymore, for what is happiness without you?
I miss your smile, i miss your face, i miss your laughter, i miss your beautiful voice, i miss your wonderful personality , how you teased me but most of all, i miss you, being here with me, and i so miss how you loved me.
I miss you Justina
And i will love you always and
Forever.......
I have learnt to live for each day and moment and take it as a blessing knowing that it may not always be this way.....
Since your demise,
All i have known is pain, but i have also learnt to give and feel the beauty of love because someday, i may never be able to to feel and give again...
I have learnt to trust God with every inch of my fibre and live life in His beautiful ways because now i know that this life is not mine ....
Your demise has taught me so many things but not how to live without you besty...
My love for black has grown fonder because it symbolizes how painful and dark my world seems without you,
Now you are gone forever............
Music is the only thing that speaks to me and keeps me friendly company, i have no one to share with the things i shared with you now that you are gone forever.....
Ennui my new damned friend, for no one can ever replace you or fill up the space you left in my life ,
Now that you are gone forever....
Blissdom don't seem like blissdom anymore, for what is happiness without you?
I miss your smile, i miss your face, i miss your laughter, i miss your beautiful voice, i miss your wonderful personality , how you teased me but most of all, i miss you, being here with me, and i so miss how you loved me.
I miss you Justina
And i will love you always and
Forever.......
Monday, 3 September 2018
Notes from the inside iv
Welcome to my dusky day!
Where your silence is the loudest
Unending thoughts of you, my everyday abyss of torture.....
Where black is happy
And the rest of the day time nothing but total ennui....
I have loved many men and women but I have not loved anyone like you....
Wherever you are, am sorry I cut the chambers of my heart wide open for you
With everything I am, took off this crown of pride on my head and smeared my poems and emotions all over the walls....
With nothing but absolute intentions
I wanted nothing much more than just to be like the wind in your skin and your fight when you lose your spark.. ✨
If only I could be the choice you'll ever want .......
Oh how I loved you beyond the beautiful blue skies and darkest of nights....
But all that am left with is nothing but an option to dive out of this perfectly wished for romance.....
My hands down, leaving behind everything I wished for upon the moonlit nights.....
Where your silence is the loudest
Unending thoughts of you, my everyday abyss of torture.....
Where black is happy
And the rest of the day time nothing but total ennui....
I have loved many men and women but I have not loved anyone like you....
Wherever you are, am sorry I cut the chambers of my heart wide open for you
With everything I am, took off this crown of pride on my head and smeared my poems and emotions all over the walls....
With nothing but absolute intentions
I wanted nothing much more than just to be like the wind in your skin and your fight when you lose your spark.. ✨
If only I could be the choice you'll ever want .......
Oh how I loved you beyond the beautiful blue skies and darkest of nights....
But all that am left with is nothing but an option to dive out of this perfectly wished for romance.....
My hands down, leaving behind everything I wished for upon the moonlit nights.....
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