Because of obsession

There is an obscure logic of my heart...
I cnt really see what's in my past, I know i must look back
and see what i have done
but no! am choosing ignorance this time...
Some things i did out of anger,
and probably the hunger to learn, to go through
and to discover......

Trying to obfuscate my past
am an adult now........
I try not to face what i have done, and what has happened to me...
because clearly i can handle what has become of me..
 my heart pumps fire,
My veins dry out with desire and thirst for blood...
thick enough to quench this fire..

Some words i never really mean them,
some things i did so i could burn them, to discover and later maintain my squeaky
clean image...
trying to fit in..
seemingly beyond my will to control.

Am a broken record,
full of damaged pieces of
broken promises and empty words,
seemingly perfect yet covered in dark clouds full of lies,
white walls without doors...
In a place i cant run from
THE pAST...

My body is a victim
carrying in my Life's system
far from that of an angel
that some people are....
soo vulnerable , been used
probably misused and misread ..
they toil with it but they cant reach my heart...
it's valiant
its valour picks me up and reminds me of how much value i posses...

The Demon that tried to befriend me,
it left me, found no reason to be wth me..
The eyes i have see no fear,
they look at wrong and yet see good in it...
In total blackness, i see beams of light directing me.
Theres nothing to hide,
the guilt beneath my fears
it beseechs the benevolence
that i poses...

I stumble and fall
break and bleed but nothing
cuts me open,
the most important thing...
Am only human..

well the truth is,
i have my own piece of the story....
am not perfect, i am fond of bending rules,
guilt is my friend, but am trying to divorce it...
All the fifthy things i have dne remind me
That God's mercy and love is beyond my mistakes ..
so i have learnt that obsession is the worst destruction of me...

My Travel piece (The beauty of Nature)

The nature of nature
is the nature i simply dont understand...
Its amazing
i can't stop gazing

at the trees nd their branches,
the hills and their bushes...
The sweet fresh air oozing from them....
its the beauty of nature that
excites me....

Traveling through these roads with goosebumps...
not even feeling these bumps...
My eyes are stuck out the window,
even the wind knows....
The beauty and nature of nature...

incomparable,
nothing can compete it whatsoever....
i say its unbeatable coz even the view out here is unbelievable....
its like plants are talking somehow...
sending messages to my heart
then to my soul,
i feel at eaze,
this is what i need....

The beauty of nature
and its nature...

Nobody cares

I have black messy hair..
swelled white eyes
usually in my sweater
a girl that nobody bothers to understand
but who cares??
my nose still catches the air..

Its like my words hurt people around me
so i keep my mouth taped
with my fingers crossed over my lips...
they dont even know me,
yet they placed me behind dark curtains ..
that am certain

My soul usually hurts
its the pokes of those fingers that they keep pointing at me,
easily and always judged
but i keep no grudge
perhaps you should read my story....

i have quite a smile
i guess it just keeps me alive when in despair..
my type is rare
but nobody cares......

You have no idea what i have been through...
where the darkness in me lies,
theres a light that outshines it.......
but nobody cares

I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME

Lord i need you to hold me

In my foolishness,
you are the wisdom that stands for me,

In my fears,
you are the eyes that see beyond the darkest part of my heart,
you direct my feet where to step and how to move on...
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME

In my sadness and sorrows,
Lord u are the voice that whispers to my heart and soul
and reminds me that i am worth dying for..

Lord when i am broken,
you are the miracle that i need,
you put all pieces together
and you make me whole again....

In the times am doubtful,
you are my surity,
my strong tower, Always giving me the answers i need ...
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME.

When they say am not pretty,
you remind me that am the apple of your eyes,
that am beautiful and was created in ur image...
the best of creation..

When i am drowned in sin, shame and judgements,
you still look at me with love, your arms wide open and ,
you remind me that am a daughter of a King, Accepted...
I Am Yours God..
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME

In my loneliness, u wrap me up in your arms and comfort me....
You never leave me..

when am needing,
you are the help that comes my way at the right time

When people see the worst of me,
you bring out the best in me.
you are my hope,
when i stumble n fall,
u raise me up all over....
again and again...

Am lost without you
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME..
For I know that it is your love and faithfulness that has brought me this far...

For this, i lay down my life before you...
and for the rest of my life God,
I NEED YOU TO HOLD ME

Ignorance

sometimes i lay awake in the night
trying to get over a life full of lies.....
when i lookout the window, i yearn fr the dark skies
without the stars.....
hoping my heart could have less of scars .....

I cant see with scientific eyes,
like everybody does.
I don't know how flowers grow
a star is a star as i see, ,
a rose is just a rose.
Am not planet wise, i dont wana know.....

Ignorance is bliss,
i tell my soul.
oh well, it seems so strange to know nothing,
never to be sure of what z real or rather right...
i should probably switch on that light....

I find myself trying to fix things that aint even broken
 its like every word i speak has already been spoken...

 I dont pay much attention to my mind
especially during those hard times
coz when i feel like my life doesn't make sence,
i know its caused by my own tolerable IGNORANCE

Dear Life Partner

Dear Life Partner

I can't wait for every second that you and i will spend together.....
Regardless of the weather....
we wil be forever.

When i think about my future all i see is you
because i know that with you,
the wish i made will finally came true.
I wished on that one bright star in the sky
that someone would love me and be that special guy. ...
Well you will be my miracle man....

I will be right besides you
more than just a partner or a lover
i will be your friend....
through it all, wil have each other.....

I apologise for my mistakes, attitudes, and anger levels because trust me,
there's no guarantee that they will not be there...

BUT till the end,
I'll be with you ..........
that's what i wana do..
move with time.

so when you get angry, I'll try and contain the anger and probably the messy attitude that will come wth the anger....
Honey I'll smile all the way,
perhaps everyday..

when you're sad i will be the smile that you will need to laugh again...
i will believe in you
see the best in you...
i just hope you will do the same...

As my husband,
you will have my hand
up in everything you wana do.....
climb mountains, cry fountains and most of all pray together.
U will have my hand forever..

And sometimes
I know that we will lay back to back in silence
but i will never slip away to coldness.
In the darkness, I'll keep my silence
just to listen to your heart beat
So i will keep feeling close.

Through your storms, stones and thorns,
I will be strong
to be the one you can lean on..

I will fight not fight my strength to untape my mouth
cause with you i know I'll be free to speak my mind..
and I'll learn to just let it out..

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE SURE THAT I AM YOURS......

i gotta heal

something i need to confess on
there was no connection..
these emotions deep down my extra beated heart have no affection.....

the pain i feel is so disturbing.....
i should have listened,
to my inner voice that is locked up
am just hoping that this emotion wont cut my heart open...

am human, a woman usually mistaken
i have to mention that at times things that i despise jus get to happen...

when i can't control it,
i wana blame it on dad
mayne he should have never died.....
am so broken..

when i try to pick up these personal pieces,
life just pulls me down towards streams of cold rated blood,
so how can i pass

i need to be held
i need to be told
that all is ok,
my scars are too open...

why did this happen??
my heart is haunted,
my mind distorted...
why am i still living?

this baggage is quite a package...
the litle light has flashed to darkness....
i cant contain it but i must accept it....

my heart is hurting,
i feel a lot of pain....
something like a disappointment,
wish i could just flip off some pages but its hard to ignore the message that my heart is sending.....

things gotta change.
this pain is real i gotta heal..

Accepted

Here's what i think
You have a heart of Gold
you know you have been called
but you're stuck up being cold
so you put God on hold....

They say
once you sell ur soul,there's no turning back,
everything you once dreamt of has no impact....
all black...
well thats just a lie they use to tie you down.....

seen as a star
but really you're just full of scars...
Riding in fancy cars, dead smiles, fine clothes , fast life but all that will expire....

so LISTEN...
Am not much of a saint
but trust me u gata repent
cause see, every finishing line is a beginning of a new race.......
you say you dont know what is wrong and right
but you've heard that Christ is light
you chose to be blind
and yet you are tired of being your own plight.....

and ThIS is true though.
not all scars show and not all wounds heal.
sometimes you never truly see the pain that others feel...

I don't know you
its pointless to judge you
but here's the truth....
its not too late to live right,
just turn back and put on that light.

You are ACCEPTED
you are God's child
so be proud.....

Give it to God and go to sleep

Broken and bruised
you tired of being used??
obviously you didn't choose
to lose yourself till nothing
can ever get you amused...
More like an emotional abuse.....

you met based on a lie
moved on a tide,
everything was too fast,
you were too kind
but now you were left behind.
ITS TRUE AFTER ALL
some relationships are meant to die.

Held you up so tight , u lost fright
and just in due time, you called the shots and gave it a try...
But no u never ended like Bonnie and Clyde

made your heart skip
with promises he'd never really keep
but u still stayed up all night without sleep
just so he could be pleased.

you thought it was love
even if it was never enough...
looking at you now, he cant even call you up..

I am not trying to be mean,
i just want you to know that
even if you thought He was the one,
you were apart from his heart.

He could be in your scary dreams
always floating in blood streams and
playing with your sacred strings.
Regrets can be,
 the future is green.

So now you must know...
some relationships aint just meant to be.
 If he cant take the bullet,
just let him be.

You must wait....
Time will Heal u but Trust me, GOD'S GOT IT.
GIVE IT TO HIM AND GO TO SLEEP.

Imperfection

The pain of looking in a mirror and seeing
 a reflect that ought to be imperfect,
Lord it looks disturbing...
I cant even tell if the girl i see is me...

The shadows cloak my heart
They creep in from my past
The guilt, the pain, the shame and all those mistakes that turn out to be regrets...
But really that is just part of the start...

I contain only little charm
I give best the gift of harm
Maybe thats what it really is to be human.
This imperfection i cant equal
I could be rated evil,
But the blame cant be placed on my ego
Its because sometimes i just cant compare whats good from evil
I long to heal though
So u must know its perfection that i seek

I have been trying to fit in for ages
Flipping off the pages, am so tired of faking
I may flip, am a freak and i could be really creepy
But this girl is really me.....

You can either love me, or leave me,
I wont lose it because this is who i really am,
a perfection of imperfection.....

The perfection that i sought
Made me learn quite alot,
 i will never stay the same, yes i may not even win this game..
of being soo perfect
But truth be told,
Av learnt that imperfection is where perfection lies....😊😊😊😊💪☺✌

mixed feelings

The fire that others fear
is the heat i long to bear...
I usually have despair
but anyway who cares??
This life cant be so fair

Everything is going wrong
and its kinda taking long.
I feel like an old worn out shoe
i am not very new. .
Its like am in the wrong place
and everything is happening in some
kind of race...

Keeping up with things today,
is harder than my words can say
for everytime i think am strong
there i fall on many thorns...
and all i can tell me is that am
Human so i pick up my personal
pieces and rise again..

Life is like a maze
so i just sit here and gaze
i sit all by myself for no one can
understand better than i ..
Am amazed.....

Anyway, my wrist is the prisoner
holding in my life's blood.
I ponder the emptiness of my
own existence...
its like nobody loves me....

I must belong somewhere
i need to show who i really  am
but mayne......
there's too many words i can't spell
my slick slippery heel is a banana peel
Maybe someday i will heal
from these feelings down here

No one will understand,
definitely not in this land....