Of Rise forms (Risen above)

I barely know how to be alive, dangerous because I know how to survive...
Am better not bitter
Ready for the weather whenever..

I found healing meant for me
When these wounds couldn't resist bleeding.
I found there's hope for the living
In every said prayer and wasted tear
Every sunrise and silent night...

I found beauty in all of these scars, realizing that they were meant for me...
Am happy some adversities were on my plate because I am brave enough to get through, maybe someone else wouldn't handle it.

I found an unending supply of Joy in not letting my circumstances define me...
Everything I have gone through was meant for me and  am not letting no man tell me what I cannot do for I defy the odds if and whenever I want to.

I found bliss in acceptance!
Acceptance of where I  come from, the mistakes I made, the bad decisions and my imperfections for I have been brought up with courage and strength of my convictions.

Everything I went through
Everything they said I cannot do
Every thing that gave me so much fear,
I rose above that and it's a little too late to be held down.

Of inscrutable beginnings TODAY

Today,
My love went to the grave,
The sun didn't shine after the rains...
Today there was an unsettled rush through my veins,
Disarray inside my head so my heaven went Hades....

Today, once again am in this place...
Where my emotions drove back to yesterday....
My feelings were chambered into emotions that died a painful death but to rise in glory!
Today I rose with my Halo....

Today marked the end of my dreaming, thinking and wishing that I could have been the sun that woke you up on the morning or hold your hand when you're almost falling....
Today my thoughts went out on the ebb...
From a lover's imagination ...
Today, I began my journey of realization.

Today I bought a smile with the pain
That came along with thinking that you were heartfelt....
But regardless of what your painted picture dented,
Today was the first day of my Triumph!!
My emotions re born
A life began.

*Of inscrutable beginnings*

Of fathomless retrogression

My walls have fallen,
But before then,
they used to talk, just about how much we, my mind and soul thought you were real...
The eerie face that seemed so real  and at the same time full of painful truth fell along with it,
Those were my emotions going down.
Every feeling turned turtle....

Breathing in the dark has been like poison to my soul,
As the antidote remains unknown, it's killing me slowly...
Now am trying to live with this space, no inbetweens, am slowly fading....

My wounds bleed
As my soul cries....
Colliding sweat and tears,
my eyes weep..
My sanity is in peril.
If my heart forgot to beat, you would be the last thing I had felt....
Because I want you to be....

Now let me waste away without those walls, for the rains to wash away these tainted emotions and grow me my flowers in Felicity.......

Thoughts of you

Been burnt before...
Never to miss how it feels to be wasted in smoke and ashes,...
Blown away from my senses, Lost stability,
But nonetheless

Here I am again
Slowly falling deeply in love
With the thoughts, hopelessly yearning and wanting nothing more than to feel that just.....
Maybe you'd feel the same way......
Am Deeply haunted by these
Thoughts of you....

The winds, the stars, shifting breezes, the rains, the beautiful blue skies or the dark nights, sounds of crickets under the moonlight, doorbell chimes, the rains dripping on rooftops, and the silence that comes with night now come with
Thoughts of you.

I do not know what it is about you that brings back these petals to life.
Nothing makes me happier than the friend I have found in you....
Not even the rains have so much power as
Thoughts of you.

My days slowly are becoming dreams...
Dreams of you my imaginary gorgeous nightmare..
Wishes upon wishes
I would succumb to your whims without contention...
Without regret.
There is nothing else I can happily think of, as my days are now crowded with rainy clouds of
Thoughts of you.

Here's to the black man!

Sculptured by the one who made the universe....
Bold, strong, and beautiful!
You are built to last like the Kilimanjaro.
The sun shines with joy just to kiss your skin....
YOU ARE ENOUGH

Skin so perfectly toned like the mahogany, reflected in black gold....
Melanin so deep like the queen that gave you life. 
In Your deep brown eyes is a reflection of full love, strength and pain..
Your deep, dark and curly afro is beauty unmatched and unstoppable like the waves on the ocean....

Your arms are like brass , a place of safety and peace, and your smile, it shines like the stars....
The crescent moon is displayed gracefully when your lips curl and your voice is a melody so pure, that of an unheard healing song.
YOU ARE POWERFUL!

The world can never be prepared enough for you to succeed but you are the driving force that the Lord has appointed,
Potential husband and father, You are naturally KING!

Relentlessly striving to take care of your clan, taking after God's master plan....
YOU are second to none. The world is lucky and blessed to have you on this land because you are the backbone of what it has and will become!

Excuse me.

A tear stained face
As my heart badly aches
Thinking about  this ain't worth it...
Allow me to be the bigger person and give you space.....
*Please excuse me as I walk away*

I am through with trying
Am over with hoping and wishing
And am so tired of dreaming
That some day you could actually handle your emotions  and consider mine...

I watch you as I watch the stars.
From so far away but it's quite a view... I think so much of how I coul have loved you but only if you knew....

My arms know there's no need to reach for you as my body has finally learnt not to yearn for you.
For the more I needed is the less you gave,  I guess you thought that it worked that way..

I cling to old memories and hope for a better beginning....
Been trying to let go for a long time but I guess this time I am winning! 

So *please excuse me as I walk away* and settle for what I deserve.

Out in my mind

Cold.....
Frozen, frozen.....
Numb...
To dance was hard for these swift and careless feet of mine...
In that very moment, I knew not that I was stronger than dread..

The sight of the effortlessly beautiful full moon that night reminded me of what beauty lies ahead of life....

Then came open claws tearing at me....
Sentiments of grandeur, gratification, graceful hope and the unexpected, deplore....

The last time i was here he made me cry...
The last time i was here, he tore me apart...
The last time he had brown eyes like a bolt of thunder..
And his deathly smile outlined by crimson lips..
You don't want to meet him..
Powerless to resist..
REGRET.

You know words don't come so easy but there are things I must say, things of refrain....

I have come to realize that in life, the only thing worth feeling regret for is not living each day to the fullest and not giving yourself the love that you try to give someone else......
The moment they will leave you, you could lose yourself and wallow in REGRET.
Refrain from trying so hard and forgetting to be yourself....

Underneath the brave moon I have learnt to savour to the fullest the unnoticeable daily joys...
The sound of the clock ticking, another opportunity to do something extra ordinary!

The bright rays of sunshine through the window glass, hope for a better day..
The slow smooth rains after midnight, a feel of complete serenity.....
The sound of moving trains and great music to the ear,
The smell of rain on a cloudy day and the sound of crickets in the dead of night....
A reminder that am never really alone....

No matter how much you wish you could have done something differently, you can never change your past. Its gone, let it go and let you grow into a better person than you were....

The most of fears

Living alone.
Dying alone..
The scent of your cologne...
Feeling alone
And the voices in my head won't just stop....
Being dumb
Feeling numb when there's so much to overcome.......
Am afraid of so many things....

Afraid of what I know..
The truth
Words
The thought of hades
Striving for perfection...
Voices playing at the back of my head,
Negative thoughts.
Anxiety.
Feelings that there is nothing I can do to take it away..
Absolute fear of expression.
Depression.

My mind
A place where bad things bloom, one minute i have the power in the room, the next am
Full of self doubt
Sabotage.

I love yous
The distance
The feeling
To speak out
To lean in......
To hold on..
To show it...
Am afraid I cant stop wearing all the versions of my broken heart...

Am afraid
To try out
To be me
Limits
Should I cry now?
What if they find out?
Am afraid of fear...
Relentless fear...
so many things but most of all,

Am afraid this same fear began to drive me to..
So much faith
Determination
Hope
I couldn't help falling into Grace
Remembrance
That it was overcome....
Reason that I can become....


#loading




........

Words never said... #StopRape

Like a flicker in every flame,
She watched her dreams get torn off in fast motions. 
Who would have thought life could shape shift in a blink of an eye?
If she had a genie and one wish, she would have wished for a different day and a better life...

She thought family was safe because she was told that family could never hurt her...
She loved you dearly but you took that innocence from a child that ne'er knew hate.
You ripped her apart mercilessly and she bled, pinned her against the wall, mouth completely shut and threatened the life out of her...
Tore apart her tender tissue and and blocked the light from inside of her soul....
Now she is afraid, you took her pride together with her confidence..

She made it clear she was only looking for true friendship,
She trusted you and told you her greatest fears but you....
You saw your selfish lustful desires satisfied in her vulnerability, you saw an object of lustful pleasure...

Forced, threatened and used out of will...
Her life forever changed, made her ashamed...
Broken and bruised because of you..
She couldn't talk to nobody, ne'er had the strength to talk to a friend.....

She could have been your sister or your daughter....
This woman could have been a mother, a doctor, a teacher, an influential woman and someone society would look up to, she would have brought change, She had bigger dreams and you were supposed to protect her but you failed as a man because as you go about living a wonderful life, she wakes up to drastic fear everyday.

5fvvBecause she was wearing a skirt, you assumed she asked for it...
WE ARE SCREAMING TO BE HEARD! NO ONE DESERVES TO BE RAPPED.
OUR FALLEN SISTERS WON'T SPEAK BUT WE DARE TO SHOW OUR RAGE!
THEY ARE US, WE ARE THEM AND EVEN IF WE DIDN'T GO THROUGH IT, WE FEEL THEIR PAIN AND WE KNOW WE ARE NOT SAFE.
#StopRape

Hold on

Tick tok  tick tok
Sometimes it feels like time just stops...
Tick Tok  Tick Tok
One step at a time sometimes feels like pure failure...
Candles in the air blown out .

Tik tok  Tik tok
The sun slowly fades and visions become blurry
Dreams die a slow death in that sudden moment when all hope seems lost and the light that was guiding you went out...

Tik tok tik tok
When the time is ticking and old age creeping in....
You fee left out, no love, no drive, lost hope, slow life, bad luck, hard falls....
Screams so deep, a confusion deeply rooted to the brain..

But tik tok tik tok...
The time never stops moving,
Seasons will never be constant,
The universe will always be moving,
Winds will ner stop blowing, storms can never seize their flooding and the sun, it will never stop shining!
HOPE IS STILL RISING!

Tik tok tik tok
Pick up your hope
This is to remind you that the sun will never stop shining, keep striving until you make it happen.

She #DiariesandEmotions

Over thinking
Profound recollection
Its suddenly getting dead to breathe.....

The conversations, the laughter, every moment, so sweet, so sour ...
A special part of her life.
The conviction of 
A difference slowly faded.....

Gently, carefully and beautifully placed was her love for you upon her heart .....
Silently, hopelessly and fearlessly  she loved you with every inch of her fibre...

She told you she loved you even when you hesitated to say it back...
Behind her love she was filled with shame..
And now its pain that comes creeping in heartlessly, unforgivably and meaninglessly.....
Love briefly misplaced by rage and denial...

At this point there's no time to try and no tears to cry as her strength increases by pain...
Taking her fears away and making them true is the worst thing you proudly achieved....

But I hope that one day you will see how strong and beautiful a broken piece will be mended, and she will not see you.
She will be fine
And she will be loved.

You are not the last
Believe me she will get over this past.